


Razor's Edge

by NCISVU



Category: NCIS
Genre: Blackmail, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:29:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4919623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCISVU/pseuds/NCISVU
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All hell breaks loose when Tony’s forced to choose between doing what’s right and protecting a secret from his past. Eventual Tibbs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lies of Omission

**Author's Note:**

> Set sometime in season three, when coming out of the closet was a bigger deal than it is now. I’m using it to fill the 'secret identity discovered' prompt on my hurt/comfort bingo card.
> 
> I feel obligated to mention that there are some harsh, anti-gay statements made by the bad guy. Also, there is a piece to the plot that could be viewed as non-con or dub-con. The story isn’t going to venture into that territory but if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing, it might bother you.

_Eventually you will come to understand_  
_that love heals everything, and love is all there is._  
_–Gary Zukav_

Tony sat at his desk, writing as quickly but neatly as he could. He was almost done with his case report, finally. He’d already rewritten it twice and he was sure his current time would be the last time. Tim and Ziva were just as quiet as he was which was unusual for the group, especially when Gibbs wasn’t around, but they were all trying to finish their reports and even though no one had verbalized it, they all wanted to be first. Tony was positive he was going to win their little unspoken contest that time.

The mail person walked through the bullpen, dropping an envelope on Tim’s desk, a package on Tony’s and a small stack of mail on Gibbs’ vacant desk but the mail was ignored while the competition continued. When Tony didn’t bother with the sarcastic comment about her not getting any mail, Ziva glanced over at him, still writing on her paper as she did. As much as Tony hated to pass up an opportunity to tease her, he was more focused on finishing his report.

“Almost done,” Ziva said in an attempt to frazzle the others.

Tony ignored her comment as he scribbled his name across the bottom of the page then stacked the papers, stapled them and walked them over to Gibbs’ desk with a bounce in his step and a satisfied smirk on his face. Ziva grumbled at the display and Tim rolled his eyes as Tony made even more of a scene of neatly laying the report front and center so it was the first thing Gibbs would see when he returned.

“So you beat us _one_ time,” Ziva conceded.

“Big deal,” Tim added.

“Jealously does not look good on either of you,” Tony replied as he returned to his desk. He picked up the large, neon pink envelope he’d received in the mail and cocked his head at it. Who would send him something in such a hideous envelope?

“Are you giving your girlfriends your work address again?” Ziva teased, tapping her pen against her lip as she studied her teammate.

“Don’t you have a report to finish, Ziva?” Tony asked in response as he looked the envelope over. There was no return address on it and despite the feminine color choice, his name and address appeared to be scrawled by a man’s hand. He pulled his letter opener out and easily slid it across the seam then poured the contents out onto his desk. There was a single piece of paper with a picture paper clipped to it.

_Tony—_

_Meet me at Dunkin Donuts outside the front gate._

Tony narrowed his eyes, even more confused by the note. There was still no name or clue about who it was from, why it had ended up on his desk or what the sender’s intentions were. All that changed when he removed the paperclip so he could get a look at the photograph. He immediately felt his stomach drop as he stared into the eyes of his eighteen year old self, engaged in sexual relations with one of the other fraternity hopefuls at Ohio State.

He quickly hid the explicit photo behind the note again as he swallowed back the bile rising in his throat.

“Problem, Tony?” Ziva asked.

Tony swallowed hard, his eyes closed tight as his subconscious did battle against the memory that had all of a sudden been brought to the forefront of his mind. “Nope,” he squeaked out, doing his best to sound normal.

“Are you sure?” Tim asked. “Because judging by the look on your face, either you’re constipated or something’s wrong.”

Tony ignored the goading as he stood from his desk and grabbed his leather jacket. “Cover for me,” he called over his shoulder, tugging the jacket on before he hurried off towards the elevator.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Dunkin Donuts wasn’t very busy at 3:00 in the afternoon on a weekday. Tony scanned the cars in the parking lot before parking then scanned the faces in the coffee shop before immediately recognizing one of his frat brothers. He took a deep, calming breath and released it slowly before making his way over to the table, the photograph and note tucked safely away in the inner pocket of his jacket. He didn’t sit down when he made it to the table but instead stood, looking down at the man from his past.

“I take it you got my note?”

“The hell is this, Jonah?” Tony asked angrily.

"Have a seat," Jonah said. "Let's talk."

"I really don't wanna talk to you."

"I think you know you don't have much of a choice," Jonah said cockily as he looked up at Tony. "That picture I have of you being fucked by another guy, crying like a baby, that's only the tip of the iceberg, my friend."

"We're not friends," Tony growled.

"I'm hurt."

"You will be," Tony threatened.

"I'm not afraid of you, Tony," Jonah said. "Sit down. I don't think you want me talking very loud. The coffee's for you."

Tony looked from Jonah to the coffee cup in front of the vacant chair before flopping down in the seat and pushing the drink away from him. "What do you want?"

"I need your help."

"Forget it," Tony said.

"Let me rephrase that," Jonah said, the patience in his voice fading, "you will help me or your boss, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and all your little friends will know what kind of sissy faggot is watching their backs. Just think what would've happened if I'd have accidentally put Ziva's name on that envelope or Tim's or maybe Abby's or Leroy's. Coulda been interesting."

"What do you want?" Tony huffed.

"I wanna know if Metro’s issued any warrants for any familiar names," Jonah answered vaguely.

"I don't work for the local police, you dumb ass," Tony said.

"You're a federal agent," Jonah said. "I know you’ve got contacts. You can probably hack. Hell, you probably have access to all their records without hacking."

"I have better things to do than spy on Metro."

"Not anymore," Jonah said. “Tonight’s a big night for me, Tony. If anything goes wrong, your face, all red and tear stained while you take it up the ass, is going to be all over NCIS and maybe even a couple other agencies. In fact, it wouldn’t take much for every law enforcement agency on the east coast to find out about the real Anthony DiNozzo. You’d never work again.”

Tony tried to keep his bravado up but it was quickly fading. His body was shaking, his hands trembling and his stomach revolting. He wanted to disappear but all he could do was sit there and glare across the table at the man who had the power to ruin his life. “What names am I looking for?”

“Any that are familiar,” Jonah answered vaguely.

"This would be much easier if you'd just give me some names," Tony said.

"Easier for you maybe," Jonah replied, "but I don't much care about how easy or difficult things are for you."

"How do I get a hold of you if there's a problem?" Tony asked.

Jonah looked over at him and smiled. "Be creative." He threw his napkin down on the table then stood and left.

Tony waited for the door to the coffee shop to open and close and Jonah's sports car to roar to life followed by squealing tires announcing his departure before he finally took another breath. He had a major problem and he didn’t dare ask anyone for help.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

"Where's DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, all business as he strolled into the bullpen.

"Running an errand," Tim answered.

"I figured that," Gibbs grunted. "Where the hell is he?"

"I really couldn't tell you, Boss," Tim replied. “He didn’t say.”

Gibbs looked over at Tony’s empty desk before sitting down at his own desk. When he saw his SFA’s report in front of him, he decided to give the man a break, pulled his pen out of his drawer and started going over it. Nearly thirty minutes passed before Tony finally came dragging back into the bullpen. Gibbs was getting ready to scold him when he noticed how pale Tony was.

“DiNozzo, you alright?”

"Fine, Boss," Tony muttered.

"Go check in with Abby, see how she’s coming with her report."

"Me?" Tony asked without thinking.

"I'm looking at you, Tony," Gibbs said. "Problem?"

"Um, is there any way McGee could do that? Something came up."

"Is this about your errand?" Gibbs asked.

"Kinda," Tony admitted reluctantly.

Gibbs stared at Tony for a long moment before replying. "McGee, go check in with Abby."

"Yes, Boss," Tim said.

"Thank you, Boss," Tony said, wishing, once again, that he could disappear under the scrutiny of another intense gaze.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony stood just inside the door of his apartment breathing deeply and quickly. Too quickly. He was starting to feel lightheaded and knew he needed to calm himself down immediately. He’d crossed a line that afternoon and even though nothing had come of it, he couldn’t help but feel guilty as sin.

What Tony felt most guilty about was lying to Gibbs. Sure, there had been no familiar names on any of Metro PD’s BOLOs and Tony wasn’t entirely convinced he would’ve told Jonah if there were but something was going down, something big and he hadn’t said one single word to Gibbs about it. It was a lie of omission and if there was one thing Tony hated, it was lying to Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

He groaned as he sank down to the floor and dropped his head into his hands. At least his breathing had slowed enough that he was actually getting air into his lungs and much needed oxygen to his cells but he still felt a little like he might pass out. He couldn’t remember ever being so disappointed in himself.

Maybe a hot shower and a change of clothes would do him some good. Then he could distract himself with a movie or listen to music. He tried to persuade himself to get up off the floor and go do something, _anything_ to distract him from his misery but his body wouldn’t obey. Hours after the meeting with Jonah, fear continued to permeate his being. He knew Gibbs would find out eventually and his fear of the disappointment his friend and mentor would have in him had his forehead wrinkling and his lower lip trembling.

Why did the past always seem to find a way into the present? Why couldn’t the bad things he’d buried long ago stay buried? This secret would not only cost him his job, it would shame him out of getting any law enforcement job anywhere on the eastern seaboard. Maybe the whole situation would blow over. Technically he’d done what Jonah had asked. It was over.

He literally laughed out loud. Over. It wasn’t over. He was their bitch… again. There was no way Jonah was planning on making the favor a onetime deal. Joining the fraternity may have seemed like sunshine and puppies on the outside but if he’d been smarter or taken two seconds to notice what was really going on, he would’ve realized it was a living nightmare and now it was all coming back to haunt him again.

Tony reluctantly reached into his jacket pocket and pulled the envelope out. Pink. Originally the unusually bold color had confused him but he knew now that it was meant to be a stab at him being gay. He wasn’t gay but that didn’t seem to matter to Jonah or his other frat brothers. Brothers. They weren’t his brothers. All they’d ever done was use him. He mentally berated himself for being so dumb; so desperate to fit in. He wasn’t one of the guys. He never had been.

His fingers found their way into the envelope and he slipped the picture out but closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see it. He needed to see it; needed to know how bad it was no matter how hard it was to look. After another deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked down at the photograph. He was lying on his back on the cool ground. Two guys were helping him keep his legs up while another pledge was fucking him. Hell week had been true in every sense of the word but he’d gotten into the fraternity. He’d been accepted and he was too stupid to realize the only reason he’d gotten in was so they could continue to use him.

All in all the picture wasn’t too bad, he decided. His face was red from crying but perhaps to the unknowing eye he could’ve just been overheated or embarrassed. If he squinted a little it just looked like two guys having sex. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. So he’d experimented in college. Who hadn’t? Besides, he hadn’t done it again. Being gay wasn’t socially acceptable back then but people were slowly realizing it wasn’t anything to make a big deal out of. Maybe the picture wouldn’t cost him his job after all.

He tucked the photograph back into the envelope, pulled himself up off the floor and made his way back to his bedroom, stripping out of his expensive clothes and not even bothering to hang them up as he went. After hiding the picture in a pile of magazines he headed down the hall to the bathroom. Surely a hot shower would help him feel better.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

The following day passed without incident. Tony decided he wouldn’t help Jonah again, no matter what the man said. He’d call his bluff, maybe tell him his coworkers already knew he’d experimented with a man in the past. He didn’t care what he had to say or do, he wasn’t going to help Jonah or whoever else was involved in whatever scheme they had going on. He wouldn’t cross that line.

Putting on a brave face all day at work to hide the panic and terror building on the inside left Tony feeling exhausted by the time he got home. That and he hadn’t slept at all the night before. After a hot shower and three fingers of bourbon, he’d gone right to bed. He couldn’t deal with another day of fending off his coworkers’ probing questions and comments about him looking like hell. He needed to get back to normal and the sooner the better.

He wasn't sure if it was the fact that Jonah hadn’t contacted him that day, the hot shower or the bourbon but he went right to sleep. There was no eighteen year old version of himself staring back at him from his dreams, no Jonah, no nothing, just an exhausted sleep.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

"Nice to see you back to your old self again, Tony," Tim said, lifting his hand which was attached to his computer mouse with superglue.

"The keyboard was getting too predictable," Tony said with a bright grin.

"I'll be in the lab if Gibbs asks," Tim said.

"Don't trip over the cord," Tony called after him helpfully.

Ziva sat across from Tony smiling as Tim left. "I am pretty sure he is never going to learn," she said when they were alone.

"I am pretty sure you are right," Tony said mimicking her tone.

"Looks like somebody has a secret admirer," the mail person commented as she handed Tony another pink envelope.

Tony's eyes grew wide and he stared at the envelope. The mail person got tired of holding it and dropped it onto his desk.

"Problem?" Ziva asked.

"No, no problem," Tony lied.

"Are you going to open that?"

Tony swallowed hard as he opened his desk drawer and pulled out his letter opener. He tapped it against his desk a few times before cautiously picking up the envelope and opening it. He peeked inside instead of dumping it on his desk and was relieved to see only a piece of paper. He pulled it out and read it.

_Dunkin Donuts. 3:00._

This was it. It was time for him to stand up for himself. _You can do this, Anthony_ , he told himself. He grabbed his badge and his gun and steeled himself. He was a federal agent. He'd learned from the best. No one had ever intimidated him before and he wasn't going to let Jonah be the first.

"Cover for me," he told Ziva.

"Again?" Ziva asked.

"Last time. I promise." And with that he was gone.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony entered the donut shop with a lot more confidence the second time. He'd spent the short ride there psyching himself up for the visit. He reminded himself that the photo didn't show much except for him and another guy having sex. He might take some ragging for that but it wasn't enough of the story to do any real damage and if he gave it a little thought, he could spin the story into something that wasn’t that big of a deal. He walked over to the table Jonah was sitting at and didn't bother to sit down.

"I'm not playing your game anymore, Jonah," he said boldly.

Jonah laughed, amused at Tony's bold stand but he didn't seem the least bit worried. "Sit down. I bought you a coffee."

"I'm not staying," Tony said firmly. "I'm not checking for anymore names or doing anything else you want. I may have been your bitch in college but that's over. Contact me again and I'll bring Metro with me to arrest your sorry ass."

"Sit down, DiNozzo. I have something to show you." Jonah pulled out his phone and let Tony get a glance at the screen. It was a video of Tony and the pledge he'd had sex with, right before everything had gone down.

Tony once again felt his stomach drop. He didn't need to watch that video to know what happened next. Unlike the picture, he knew the contents of the video had the potential to change his life forever.

"Sit down," Jonah repeated. He had Tony right where he wanted him. A scared teenager who was eager to please and would do anything to keep his secret. "I need you to take a look at Boston PD's records. There's another delivery coming in tonight."

Tony sat as Jonah played the video. There was no sound but Tony didn’t need to hear the sound. “Turn it off,” he said.

“I thought you’d like this,” Jonah said, feigning hurt. “You got to star in your own little gay porn movie.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Still lying to yourself I see. We let you lie to yourself back in Ohio too, mainly just to keep you happy. Even gave you that stupid but very fitting nickname. Sex machine. That’s all you really were. A machine, screwing all those girls, trying to convince yourself you were straight. To them, you were just a hard dick, a machine.”

Tony clenched his fists under the table, unsure if he was more hurt or angry. Why did he feel so powerless in the presence of someone who was nothing more than a bully?

“Now that I have your attention,” Jonah continued, “it’s time to play ball.”

Tony swallowed hard, mustering up the courage he'd felt when he'd walked into the donut shop. "No," he said shaking his head.

"No?" Jonah asked.

"That's right. No. I won't do it. If you know what's good for you, you won't call me again."

"If I know what's good for me? Do you know what's good for you, DiNozzo? I suppose I could always pay your boss a visit instead. I hear he always leaves his door unlocked. Is he still on East Laurel in Alexandria? I'm sure he'd be interested to know he's got a fag working for him and I know he'd be interested to learn you're already an accomplice in my little scheme. That favor you did us a couple days ago, that makes you just as guilty as we are."

"I won't do it, Jonah," Tony said firmly. "Call me again and I'll bring Metro along to arrest you." He stood and left without turning back.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony barely made it into the building before he had to race to the bathroom and empty his bowels. He wished he had a bottle of Pepto-Bismol to nurse. His stomach was killing him. He felt even more sick than he had when he'd gotten the picture.

Once he was sure there was nothing else left to come out he headed for the elevator and took it up to the squad room. Tim was back and no longer had his computer mouse attached to his hand and Ziva was giving him a look that clearly meant something was up.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said coming up behind him, "with me."

Tony looked from Gibbs back to Ziva who shrugged. "Where we going, Boss?" he asked nervously as he chased after Gibbs.

"Conference room," Gibbs said.

"Is this about me taking another break?"

"You tell me."

What did that mean? What did Gibbs know? Had Jonah sent Gibbs the video while Tony had been driving back to the building? Suddenly Tony wasn't feeling so well again. Gibbs opened the door and Tony followed him in to find Fornell sitting next to Agent Sacks at the table.

"DiNozzo," Fornell greeted with a friendly nod of the head.

"What's going on?" Tony asked as he sat down next to Gibbs.

"Do you know this man?" Fornell asked, sliding a picture across the table.

Tony picked up the picture and looked at it. "Looks kinda like Jonah O'Dell," he said. "He was one of my frat brothers in college."

"Looks _kind of_ like him?" Sacks asked, the snark in his voice unmistakable. "We saw you meet him at Dunkin Donuts twice this week."

"Yeah," Tony admitted. "Got a note from him the other day. He wanted to catch up." Tony wasn't going to go looking for trouble. If he sent them to Jonah the pictures and video and whatever else Jonah had on him would surely get out. This way maybe he'd get lucky and Jonah would just disappear when he realized the FBI was closing in and Tony wasn’t going to help him.

"What'd you guys talk about?" Fornell asked.

"That's none of your business," Tony said.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said. "Do you know anything?"

"Anything about what?" Tony asked angrily. "Something illegal? No. I don't. I know Jonah's in town and we've met for coffee a couple times. Have none of you ever met an old friend for coffee to catch up?"

Gibbs narrowed his eyes at Tony's sudden burst of anger. Something was going on with him but Gibbs wasn't sure what and there was no way in hell he was going to try to get it out of the man in front of their guests. He trusted Tony to tell him if something was wrong but Tony had denied it and that was enough for Gibbs. "Get back to work," he said. "No more unauthorized middle of the afternoon breaks."

"Yes, Boss," Tony said before hurrying out. He knew he'd dodged a huge bullet, knew he hadn't been completely honest but self-preservation had won out that time. Technically he hadn't lied. He didn't know what was going on and he hadn't tipped Jonah off about anything either. It was flimsy and more than a little lame but he hadn't done anything too terribly wrong.

"This is not good, Anthony," he muttered to himself, "this is not good at all."


	2. High Stakes

Jonah barely stopped himself from putting his fist through the driver’s side window of his top of the line sports car after leaving the donut shop. He’d maintained his composure during his meeting with Tony but not having the man on board threw a serious wrench in his plans and he wasn’t happy.

His life had been going great. While the rest of America was suffering from the recession, he was livin’ large. His drug empire had grown at an exponential rate. He was raking in the money and he wasn’t even a blip on law enforcement’s radar. Well, not until two teens had died from his product. In his desperate scramble to protect his business, he’d decided to use Tony as his informant but things weren’t going quite as easily as he’d anticipated.

Jonah decided his shipment that night would continue as planned. Things hadn’t heated up too much yet. While most of his guys were busy with that, he and a couple others would up the stakes for Anthony DiNozzo.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony’s sound sleep ended abruptly when a strong hand clasped painfully over his mouth while fingers dug into his cheeks. His heart clenched inside his chest as he tried to scream and bite and get away but it was futile. His attacker was too strong. He grabbed for something to hold onto as he felt himself being dragged out of the bed but all he got was his bedding which did him no good at all. Before he could even get his bearings he was restrained on both sides and a punch landed so hard in his gut that it took his breath away.

“I’m really sorry to do this to you, DiNozzo,” Jonah said from the dark shadows in the corner of Tony’s room, “but you obviously didn’t understand how things worked earlier when we chatted.” A slap landed on the side of Tony’s face, and a sickening crack interrupted the quiet of the night. “This is the only wakeup call you’re gonna get. I meant business earlier and I won’t take no for an answer. Cross me again and this beating will be nothing compared to what will happen.”

A series of punches landed on Tony’s body until his attackers let him fall to the floor, kicked him a couple times for good measure and then left him in an unconscious heap.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Abby was busy rifling through her closet in search of something to wear that day when her cell phone started going off. It was the ringtone she'd chosen for Tony's calls so she grabbed the phone and answered cheerfully.

"Abs," Tony said, struggling to keep his voice even and somewhat normal sounding, "can you stop by my place on your way to work and bring your makeup please?"

"Sure!" Abby said. If it had been anyone else asking, Abby might've thought it strange but Tony had just as many strange ideas as she did. She’d known all about him supergluing Tim's hand to his computer mouse the previous day. She was certain this was just another prank and she was excited she'd been chosen to be involved.

She dressed quickly, made sure she had everything she needed for work then hurried over to Tony's apartment. After knocking on the door she heard Tony holler for her to come in and entered.

"Where are you?" she called.

"Hang on," Tony said. He didn't have his shirt on yet and he didn't want to freak Abby out any more than more than she already would when she saw his face.

"I'm drinking some of your juice," Abby called, taking a swallow from the glass of orange juice Tony had sitting out on the counter.

"Don't freak out, Abby," Tony said from the hall before rounding the corner into the kitchen.

“Why would I freak out?” Abby turned as Tony entered and her mouth fell open in a silent gasp. "What happened?"

"It's okay," Tony said. "I'm okay. I promise. It looks worse than it is."

"I—I don't think it is," Abby stuttered. His eye was black and puffy, his lip swollen and cut open on one side and his cheek was bruised. "Tony, what happened?"

"Would you believe I walked into a door?"

"No."

"Well it's true. I was sleepwalking and bam,” he slammed his fist into his open palm and immediately regretted it as pain spread through his sore body, “right into the side of the bathroom door."

Abby's eyes glistened with unshed tears. She'd gone over expecting to play a fun prank on Tim or Ziva and walked in on Tony looking like he'd been on the losing end of a bar fight.

Tony rested his hands gently on his friend’s shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. "Abby, please help me," he pleaded desperately.

"Anything," Abby whispered trying her hardest not to cry.

"I need you to put a little makeup on my face so the others don't see the bruises."

"If you just walked into a door, why does it matter if the others see the bruises?" Abby asked.

"Abby, please, help and don't ask questions. Please. Just this once?"

"Okay," she answered with a reluctant nod.

Abby did her best to cover Tony's bruises with her makeup. All in all she was quite proud of the finished product. She'd managed to match his skin tone almost perfectly and with the exception of his swollen and cut lip and swollen eye, she almost couldn't tell Tony was hurt. Almost.

Tony hugged Abby tightly, ignoring the pain in his midsection as she held onto him for dear life. He whispered promises he knew he couldn’t keep into her hair and swore her secrecy while Abby trembled in fear, afraid of what was going on, worried about Tony being so secretive and scared to death that something else horrible might happen to one of her dearest friends.

"We better get a move on," Tony said as he released her from the hug. "Gibbs'll be pissed if we're late."

"Okay," Abby whispered.

Thirty minutes later Gibbs looked up as Tony entered the bullpen moving slower than he usually did and looking all around stiff and sore. The usual bright, cheerful attitude that surrounded him was missing and in its place was a more subdued version of Tony. One look at his face told the lead investigator that something was terribly wrong.

"DiNozzo, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing, Boss," Tony answered innocently. "Why do you ask?"

Tim and Ziva watched curiously as Tony let his backpack fall ungracefully to the floor with a thump. They, too, could see that something was off with their friend.

"With me, DiNozzo," Gibbs said as he stood.

Tony sighed as he followed Gibbs into the men's room and watched as the man locked the door. Gibbs wet a paper towel and walked over to Tony. Tony flinched when the man started wiping away the makeup covering his face but that didn’t stop Gibbs. He simply held onto Tony’s chin to still him and continued to gently remove the makeup hiding the cuts and bruises.

"It's nothing, Boss," Tony said, grabbing at Gibbs’ hand in an effort to stop his fussing. "I was sleepwalking. I walked into a door."

Gibbs gently moved Tony’s hand off of his so he could continue wiping away the makeup. "That why you tried to cover it up?" he asked, tossing the paper towel into the trash and wetting another one so he could start all over again.

"It's nothing," Tony said again. "It's personal."

"Which is it?" Gibbs asked patiently. "Nothing or personal?"

"You can't fix this, Gibbs. I can take care of myself." Tony tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. He hated pushing Gibbs away but he couldn't let him get too close, not this time.

Gibbs looked at Tony for a long moment before nodding. He knew no amount of pushing and prodding would result in Tony opening up to him. He’d have to wait until the man was ready, no matter how painful that would be. Regardless, he’d be keeping a close eye on the man until he could figure out what in the hell was going on that had the FBI lurking around and Tony looking like he’d gone a couple rounds with Muhammed Ali.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony told the walking into a door story over and over again that morning. Thanks to Gibbs washing the makeup away, he stuck out like a sore thumb and everyone wanted to know what had happened. He knew nobody really believed he'd walked into a door but thankfully most everyone let him get away with the lie and he was able to distract the ones who didn’t when they started asking too many questions.

Just when he thought the day couldn't get any worse, the mail arrived. He closed his eyes and prayed to anyone listening that there would be no pink envelopes dropped on his desk and breathed a sigh of relief when the mail person passed him by without leaving him anything.

That relief was short lived when he saw a pink envelope in the middle of the pile of mail that was dropped on Gibbs' desk.

"Uhhhh," he drew out the word while he hopped up from his desk and moved faster than he had all day getting over to Gibbs' desk, "I think this one's mine, Boss." He snatched the pink envelope out of the pile but Gibbs quickly snatched it back and glared at him.

"It has my name on it, DiNozzo," Gibbs said showing him the envelope.

Tony stood awkwardly in front of Gibbs' desk while Gibbs slipped a finger in at the corner and started opening it.

"Afraid your secret admirer has lost interest in you and moved on to Gibbs?" Ziva teased.

Tony tried to laugh but could only look on in horror as Gibbs pulled a photograph out of the envelope and stared at it. He tried to get a peek but couldn't see anything. "What's it a picture of, Boss?" he asked nervously.

Gibbs turned it around and Tony realized it was just a normal picture of him from his college days. "You," Gibbs answered. "Why is someone sending me a picture of you?"

"I dunno," Tony said with an uncomfortable laugh. He was just relieved he was alone, fully clothed and smiling in the picture. There was nothing suspicious about the picture except that someone had sent it to Gibbs.

Gibbs studied Tony and Tony tried to stand strong under the scrutiny. When the conversation didn’t continue, the lead agent slipped the photograph into his inner jacket pocket, watching Tony's face as he did.

"What're you gonna do with that?"

"I dunno," Gibbs replied mysteriously.

"Okay." Tony returned to his desk and sank down into his chair. He knew Gibbs, Tim and Ziva were all watching him closely but he didn’t really care. There wasn't anything he could do about it. He also knew he was acting strange but he had to protect himself. He wouldn’t let his secret get out if he could help it. Before he could get back to what he was doing, his cell phone buzzed, alerting him to a text message. He pulled it off his belt and looked at it.

_Boo! I mean business, DiNozzo. The next picture won't be so innocent._

Tony snapped his phone shut and dropped it onto his desk.

"Problem?" Ziva asked.

"No, Ziva," Tony sighed, "no problem."

His phone buzzed again and he snatched it up a second time.

_Meet me @ 3:00._

Tony scowled at his phone as he responded.

_I told you, NO._

He rubbed his face in his hands, trying to avoid the sore spots even though almost his entire face was sore. Keeping secrets was hard work and he realized he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. His friends were suspicious, he’d been visited by the FBI and Jonah was getting pushier and pushier. One misstep and he’d either end up in jail or dead and at that point, he wasn’t sure which one would be worse.


	3. Mail Call

Tony arrived at work the next day to find yet another pink envelope on his desk. He groaned out loud, not caring about Tim and Ziva sitting there listening in.

"I see you got another letter from your secret admirer," Ziva pointed out curiously.

"I told you, it's not a secret admirer," Tony grumped. "Where's Gibbs?"

"He got some really old tape in the mail," Tim said. "He's trying to find something to play it on."

"Really old tape?" Tony asked, feeling as if he might throw up.

"Yes," Ziva said, "it came in a pink envelope just like yours did."

"Shit," Tony said. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." He snatched up the envelope on his desk and ripped it open sloppily. He pulled the enclosed photograph out and found a recent picture of himself with a large target drawn over his face in fat red sharpie.

"You alright?" Tim asked, watching as Tony’s face paled right before his eyes.

"No," Tony answered.

He didn't know what to do. Did he go find Gibbs and try to steal the tape before he could watch it? What if he'd already seen it or was watching it when Tony found him? Should he run away? He could disappear and never come back. That wouldn't be very fair though. NCIS was like his family. Of course they might not feel the same way once they found out. Maybe it was just another bluff like the innocent photograph Jonah had sent Gibbs yesterday. That would be the best case scenario.

Tony looked down and realized his hands were shaking. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and realized his breathing was coming out in harsh, ragged breaths. He knew he needed to calm himself down before he passed out so he sat down at his desk and decided to go about his day like normal until something came up that forced him to change those plans. At that point, it was all he really could do.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

It took Gibbs awhile but with Abby's help he finally managed to find a VCR to play the old VHS tape on. Abby offered to pop popcorn in her normal, cheerful manner and Gibbs told her it was too early for popcorn. She pulled two chairs over in front of the TV and she and Gibbs sat down.

"Wanna make bets about what's on here?" Abby asked.

"Abby," Gibbs grumbled, "will you just play the tape?"

"Alright," Abby said, "but I'm guessing it's a crime... a cold case with _damning_ evidence."

Gibbs glared at her and she smiled brightly before pushing the play button. Once the static cleared and the video started, Abby's smile faded and the remote slipped from her hand and fell to the floor. In front of the camera was a very shy, very young Anthony DiNozzo, taking his clothes off. From the looks of it he didn't know he was being filmed. Next to him was another boy who looked to be a similar age. Surrounding them were older college age guys drinking and laughing.

"Gibbs?" Abby whispered.

Gibbs reached out and latched onto Abby's hand but remained silent as he watched. One of the older boys who hadn't yet appeared on camera was telling Tony and the other boy, Ian, what to do. Tony and Ian looked younger than the other guys and both looked nervous.

“Welcome to hell week at Phi Kappa Delta,” an off camera voice announced. It was clear he was addressing the group of gathered boys. “We like to do things a little differently here. Tony and Ian have done everything we’ve asked of them over the past week and now it’s time to reward them. During their interviews, both indicated an interest in men so what better opportunity and environment to explore that interest?”

Gibbs and Abby watched as the two were encouraged to perform oral sex on each other while the others continued laughing and egged them on. There wasn’t anything friendly about the tones of their voices but to Tony and Ian—not sober themselves and under unimaginable pressure to please and fit in—things could’ve sounded differently. Regardless, the whole scene lacked the intimacy of two eager partners engaging in an impromptu act.

"Lay down on the ground, DiNozzo," the voice off camera yelled.

Tony obeyed and one of the others walked over to him and poured a healthy amount of beer in his mouth. Tony already looked tipsy but it was difficult to tell if he was drunk or drugged or just nervous or, quite possibly, a mix of all three.

"Fuck him, Ian," the off camera voice said.

"I don't think I can," Ian said meekly.

"You got a boner, you know how to use it, don't you? Come on, man. We're just helping you live out one of your fantasies. That's what frat brothers do."

"I don't know," Ian said.

"DiNozzo wants this too," the voice continued. "Isn't that right, DiNozzo?"

Tony muttered something incoherent very happily as he nodded his head. He was definitely drunk.

A tube of something came flying out from behind the camera and hit Ian in the chest.

"There's the lube, man. Show us your best moves."

Ian picked up the lube and coated his dick. Tony was lying on the ground beneath him laughing like a drunken fool. Abby tugged Gibbs' arm over in front of her and moved his hand up in front of her eyes.

"We know you've never had sex with a guy before, Ian, so we're gonna give you some pointers," the off camera voice said. "It'll sting for DiNozzo a little bit at first but don't stop no matter what. Once the sting passes it'll feel so good." An evil laugh that would've made any sober person cringe followed the statement.

"O-okay," Ian replied nervously.

It was easy to see Ian was a gullible kid who would've believed anything and done anything anyone told him to. Gibbs cringed, knowing what was coming. A little lube wasn't enough prep for anal sex, especially not for first timers.

Tony's laughter and giggles turned to shrieks and screams when he was entered. The older guys in the group urged Ian to continue, shouting encouragement to drown out Tony’s cries and a very confused Ian listened to the majority. Tony pleaded for Ian to stop but his pleas fell on deaf ears and soon turned to tears and screams. Abby was sobbing silently next to Gibbs and it was all Gibbs could do to keep it together himself. He wanted to at least mute the video but knew he needed to see and listen to all of it.

Ian didn't last very long before he achieved climax and the worst of it was over for Tony. At the other guys’ insistence, Ian played with Tony's flaccid cock but when nothing happened the group seemed to grow bored and the tape cut off. Gibbs and Abby sat staring at the fuzzy TV screen for several moments after the video ended.

"Abby?"

Abby tried to answer but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a loud, horrifying sob. Gibbs tugged her close and held her tight.

"Abby, listen to me," Gibbs said into her hair. "Are you listening?"

Abby nodded, both hands fisted tightly into his shirt as she cried.

"I need you to not say anything about this to anyone until I tell you otherwise. That includes anyone at NCIS or the FBI. _Anyone_ , Abby. Understand?"

"Wha-what are you-are you gonna do?" Abby sobbed.

"I'm gonna start by talking to DiNozzo so I can figure out what the hell is going on," Gibbs said.

"Tony called me yesterday and asked me to hide the bruises on his face with makeup," Abby confessed.

"I figured," Gibbs said before kissing her hair. He rubbed her back soothingly while she slowed her crying. She knew he needed to talk to Tony; knew whatever was going on with her dear friend was top priority and she wanted justice for the man too. She would do everything in her power to make sure they got it.

"I'm okay, Gibbs. Go help Tony."

Gibbs gave her another kiss before ejecting the tape from the VCR and heading for the elevator. When he made it back to the squad room he found it unusually quiet. Tim and Ziva looked up at him but Tony kept his nose buried in the paperwork on his desk almost as if he were trying to make himself invisible.

"Tony," Gibbs said softly. He repeated himself when Tony didn't look up the first time then, when he had Tony’s attention, he crooked his finger, motioning for the man to follow him.

There were a couple people waiting for the front elevator so Gibbs headed for the back elevator with Tony following slowly behind. The elevator dinged open and the two men stepped inside. Gibbs got the elevator moving then pushed the emergency stop. He pulled the tape out of his jacket pocket and showed it to Tony.

"Do you know what's on this tape?" he asked.

Tony laughed uncomfortably and shrugged. "Not a clue," he said. "I know I'm really good at movies and all but I can't guess just by looking at a blank tape, Boss."

"I don't believe you," Gibbs said gently.

Tony's breathing grew shallow and he found himself unable to look at Gibbs. His boss was being entirely too nice. That meant the tape hadn't been a hoax. It had been the real thing and Gibbs knew everything. Gibbs probably knew more than he did. Most of that night had been a drunken blur for Tony but the parts he did remember weren’t anything he wished to share with anyone.

"Tony."

"No Boss," Tony pleaded. His body went cold and he suddenly felt lightheaded again. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. He needed to get himself under control.

"Talk to me, Tony."

"Please, no, don't make me." Tony’s throat felt like it was closing up. His heart raced and he'd never been more terrified.

"Would you rather me show you?" Gibbs asked keeping his voice even and calm.

Tony gasped for air and started tugging at his tie. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. His eyes started watering as he continued yanking on his shirt, trying to get it away from his throat, hoping he’d be able to get some air in. The world around him blurred as his heart raced in his chest and he was going to die. Tony was sure of it.

"Breathe, Tony," Gibbs coaxed, helping him sit on the elevator floor. "Breathe." He undid Tony's tie while Tony continued gasping for air and tugging at his shirt. "Easy," Gibbs said. He undid the top couple buttons and pulled Tony's shirt away from his neck, trying to help.

"I-I-can't-I can't breathe." Tony squirmed and fidgeted desperately, trying unsuccessfully to calm himself.

Gibbs sat down behind Tony, spreading his legs out on either of Tony’s, mirroring the man’s position and rested a hand firmly against his chest. He pulled Tony back against his chest and held him tight. "You're alright," he soothed. "You're having a panic attack. You're gonna be okay. Breathe with me. Can you feel my breaths?"

"No." Tony groaned painfully. "No. I can't-can't breathe."

Gibbs reached over and restarted the elevator, pushing the button for the basement.

"In and out, Tony," Gibbs soothed, exaggerating his breaths in an attempt to help Tony.

"I can't," Tony cried, holding desperately to the hand Gibbs had planted firmly on his chest.

The elevator doors opened and Gibbs yelled for Ducky as he swung one leg around to prevent the doors from closing.

"Ducky's coming," he soothed. "Relax. Slow your breathing down."

"Can't," Tony whimpered.

"What on earth?" Ducky asked when he made it to the elevator.

"I think he's having a panic attack," Gibbs said calmly.

Ducky knelt in front of Tony and grabbed his wrist to check his pulse. "Anthony, you're going to hyperventilate. We need to try to slow your breathing down."

"No," Tony choked out. "I can't."

"Feel my chest move, Tony," Gibbs said. "Make yours move like mine. In and out. Slow, deep breaths. You can do it. You're safe here."

Tony's hands went from Gibbs' hand on his chest down to the man's thighs, desperately grasping for something to hold onto. He fisted both hands into Gibbs' pant legs, trying to sit up taller or back further or anything that would help him get air into his lungs. Ducky disappeared from the elevator while Gibbs continued holding Tony and reassuring him.

"This needs to go in his buttocks, Jethro," Ducky said when he returned flicking a needle. "Can we get his pants down just a tad?"

"Tony, Ducky's gonna give you a shot in your butt to help you feel better," Gibbs said as he started undoing Tony's belt. "We're not gonna undress you but we need to get your pants down far enough he can get to you." He undid the button on Tony's pants then turned him slightly and tugged his shirt out of his pants and pushed the top of his pants down in the back while Tony continued gasping for air and holding tightly to Gibbs' pant legs.

"There we go, Anthony," Ducky said as he administered the shot. "This will work quickly. Let the medicine do its job."

"What is that?" Gibbs asked.

"It will help him calm down which will help him breathe easier," Ducky answered, "and then he'll sleep."

Gibbs smiled sadly at Ducky before turning his attention back to Tony. "Breathe with me, Tony," he soothed, replacing his hand firmly on Tony's chest again.

It wasn't long before Tony started to calm and loosened his grip on Gibbs' pants.

"Let's get him into autopsy before he falls asleep," Ducky said. “It’ll happen fast.”

"Help me get him up," Gibbs replied. "Tony, let's stand up. We're gonna go lie down."

Gibbs stood and pulled Tony up with him. Ducky took one arm and Gibbs took the other, bearing most of Tony's weight. He grabbed onto the back of Tony's pants, keeping them up as they slowly made their way into autopsy.

"I'm sleepy," Tony mumbled.

"We're gettin' there," Gibbs said.

"Table one, Jethro," Ducky said.

"Scoot up on the table, Tony," Gibbs said.

Tony was moving on autopilot, doing whatever Gibbs told him to without a second thought. Gibbs and Ducky helped him up onto the table then Gibbs helped him lay down without falling off. He rested a hand on Tony's forehead while Ducky rechecked his pulse.

"Go to sleep, Tony. Rest," Gibbs said softly.

"Yes, Boss," Tony slurred, nearly asleep already.

Gibbs and Ducky watched as he faded away then Gibbs turned to Ducky. "He okay?"

"He is now," Ducky said. "What on earth is going on, Jethro?"

"I don't know," Gibbs said, "but I'm gonna find out."

Gibbs left Tony sleeping in autopsy under the watchful eye of Ducky while he headed upstairs to get his team started. He grabbed the envelope off his desk and dropped it onto Tim's desk.

"You and Ziva, I wanna know where this came from," he said. "I know there's no return address but trace the postmark or something. Anything. I'm gonna send Abby up to swab the lick strip and see if she can get DNA or fingerprints."

"On it, Boss," Tim said. "What case is this?"

"That's not important right now," Gibbs said before walking off.

Gibbs had no idea what condition he’d find Abby in when he returned to her lab. There was no music and no bubbly Goth greeting him cheerfully, grabbing onto his arm and dragging him around with her. He made his way through the lab and found her in her back office, sitting on the floor next to her filing cabinet with her knees drawn tightly to her chest.

“Don’t eat your hand, Abs,” he teased gently as he lowered himself to the floor next to her and pulled her trembling body close to his.

Abby removed the fingernail she was chewing on from her mouth and curled into the welcomed embrace. “Sorry, Gibbs,” she said softly.

"It's okay," Gibbs said before pressing a soft kiss to her head.

"Where's Tony?"

"He's taking a nap in autopsy. Ducky's with him."

"A nap?"

"He's gonna be okay, Abby,” Gibbs said confidently. “We'll get him through this."

"What do you need from me?"

Gibbs kissed the tear tracks on Abby’s cheek and smiled at her. "I need you to be strong for Tony," he said.

"I think I can do that," Abby sniffled.

"Ziva and McGee have the envelope the tape came in. See if you can get some DNA or fingerprints or anything useful off of it and I'll go get you a Caf-Pow."

"Do they know?"

"Not yet. I wanna wait till Tony wakes up. I need to talk to him."

Abby nodded as Gibbs stood. She accepted his hand and let him pull her to her feet then they walked to the elevator together.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Despite the unseasonably hot August day, Gibbs decided to walk to the coffee shop down the street rather than visiting the kiosk in the courtyard. The oppressive heat felt good in a strange way. The discomfort was a welcome distraction from the discomfort the images of Tony had left in his mind. Part of him wanted to stay gone for a long time, try to clear his head and wrap his mind around what he’d learned but he had no idea how long Tony would be out and no idea what condition the man would be in when he woke. He knew he was best suited to take care of him, whatever that might look like, and he had a case to open. He was itching to get his hands on the bastards responsible.

Coffee in one hand, Caf-Pow in the other, he started back towards headquarters. He took his time, taking advantage of the peaceful afternoon but he still found himself unable to make sense of any of the chaos happening at NCIS. Fornell hadn’t given him much information when he’d visited and Tony had been very tightlipped about the situation so far. An envelope with no return address on it wasn’t much to go on.

Once he arrived back at NCIS, he headed for Abby’s lab and found the rest of his team there as well. “What’ve we got?” he asked, handing Abby her drink.

"Couldn't get anything useful from the postmark on the envelope," Tim said wanting to get the bad news out of the way right away.

"I was able to get DNA from the lick strip and I already got a hit," Abby said. "Not to an actual person, just to another profile."

"How so fast?" Gibbs asked looking at her computer over her shoulder.

"It's an open case," Abby said. "One of the FBI's. The guy's some huge drug lord or something. His product killed a fourteen year old and a nineteen year old but they don't have much on him. They probably know we ran the DNA though. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

_What was Tony’s connection to a drug ring?_ Gibbs wondered. _And what did a sex tape have to do with a drug lord? Did Tony know the players? Was he being blackmailed? Why? What did they want from Tony?_

Gibbs’ cell phone rang and he pulled it off his belt and answered while looking at the DNA profile on Abby’s computer.

"Jethro," Ducky said, "Anthony's starting to wake."

"Be right there, Duck." He snapped his phone shut and turned back to his team. "I'm assuming the DNA's not in the system."

"That'd be my assumption too but I'm running it just to be sure," Abby answered.

"Atta girl," Gibbs said. He kissed her cheek then turned to leave. "Keep at it. Call me if you get anything."

He took the elevator down to autopsy and stepped off to find Tony attempting to leave.

"Where ya going?" Gibbs asked curiously.

"Somewhere that's not here," Tony muttered.

"Anywhere specific?"

"Hide from you," Tony answered honestly.

"Not doing a very good job of that," Gibbs teased lightly with a smile. "Come on, let’s go back into autopsy for a second."

Tony reluctantly turned around and sat down on the table he’d woken up on.

"How are we doing?" Gibbs asked.

"We just woke up," Ducky answered for Tony. "He's a bit groggy, understandably so."

"Tony?"

Tony's eyes met Gibbs' but he didn't speak. He was scared and embarrassed and didn't have a clue what to say. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he ended up passing out in the elevator in Gibbs' arms. The part about being in Gibbs' arms had been kind of nice but considering the circumstances he hated his mind for even going there.

"Can you speak, Anthony?" Ducky asked.

Tony swallowed before opening his mouth. "What happened?" he asked.

"You had a panic attack," Ducky answered. "I gave you a little something to calm you down. It will make you a little drowsy for the next twenty four hours but it looks like you could use the rest."

"Tony," Gibbs said gently, "look at me." He rested his hands on the table on either side of Tony’s body and leaned closer, effectively forcing Tony to concentrate on him.

Tony's eyes darted around the room before finally settling on Gibbs'.

"We don't have to talk about what's on that tape yet, but I do need to know who sent it and why," Gibbs said.

Tony shook his head and the pained looked returned to his face.

"Anthony, listen to me, the FBI's gonna be here any minute wanting to know where we got the DNA that matches the profile they entered into AFIS. I can't protect you if I don't know what's going on."

"FBI?" Tony asked.

"The saliva on the envelope the video was in belonged to a drug lord."

"Drug lord?" Tony mumbled, his eyes widening in shock.

"Do you know who it is?" Gibbs asked.

Tony was quiet for a long moment before whispering, "Did you see the tape?"

"Yes," Gibbs answered. "Abby did too. I had to have her help me find a VCR. Nobody else has seen it. Do you know who sent the tape?"

"I don't know," Tony lied.

"Boss," Tim said, poking his head into autopsy, "Fornell's here. Wants to see you."

"Tell him I'll be there in a minute," Gibbs said. He waited for Tim to leave before turning back to Tony. A stern look was all it took to break the already fragile agent.

"Maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I might know who sent the tape," Tony admitted.

"Who?" Gibbs asked pulling out his notepad.

"Jonah O'Dell."

"That’s the same guy Fornell was asking you about the last time he was here. Who is Jonah O'Dell?"

"Frat brother... kinda."

"Anthony, help me out here," Gibbs said desperately. When Tony turned away again, Gibbs rested his hand against the man’s bruised cheek and turned him back so he could look into his eyes.

"When I started at Ohio State I wanted to get into a fraternity. Jonah was top dog at the one I picked."

"Okay," Gibbs said. "Is he who you've been sneaking off to meet?"

Tony shrugged.

"Let me in, Tony."

"He sent me a picture a couple days ago to get my attention and told me to meet him at Dunkin Donuts right outside the front gate. He wanted me to check around Metro PD and see if I saw any familiar names on BOLOs or anything and warn him if I did."

"Did you?"

"I checked," Tony answered. "I didn't see any names. I didn't try to contact Jonah."

"Okay, what happened next?"

"I got another note to meet him again. I met him but I told him I wasn't playing his game. He showed me part of a video on his phone to try to intimidate me into it. He used to be able to intimidate me into doing just about anything. I told him no though. Then, that night, I was yanked out of my bed and had the crap beat outta me but I said no again. I guess he got the message since you got the video tape."

"Is that everything? If I find out you’re holding out on me I'm gonna be pissed."

Tony reached into his pocket, pulled out the picture he'd received in the mail that day and handed it to Gibbs.

"When did you get this?" Gibbs asked looking at the picture of Tony's face with a target over it.

"Today."

"Tony," Gibbs moved his hand from Tony's cheek to waggle his finger in his senior field agent's face, "you do not leave this room except to go to the bathroom and then you come right back. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Boss."

"Good. I'm gonna go deal with Fornell. Ducky, don't let him outta your sight."

"I'm sure Anthony and I can find something to entertain ourselves with down here," Ducky said. "Go, Jethro, and don't worry about us. We'll be fine. I'll call you if there are any problems."

Gibbs nodded and took one last look at Tony before leaving autopsy. His agent’s life had been threatened and they—whoever ‘they’ were—had already proven they were serious. Every protective instinct Gibbs had was bubbling over. He would do whatever necessary to keep Tony safe and help him get through another difficult moment in his life.


	4. Devil's Dust

Jethro stepped into the director’s office to find Fornell and Vance sitting at the conference table with a cup of coffee in front of each of them. There was another cup of coffee still in the drink holder in the center of the table.

“That one’s for you,” Fornell told Gibbs when he saw the man eyeballing the drink.

“You only bring me coffee when you have something to say that you know I’m not gonna like,” Gibbs pointed out.

Fornell looked at the man for a moment before speaking again. “Like I said, that one’s for you.”

“Shit,” Gibbs grumbled under his breath.

“I’m assuming you know why I’m here?” Fornell asked.

“And I’m assuming you don’t have any idea what you just walked into.”

“And I’m assuming you two both have half the story and we’re not going to get anywhere unless you put those two halves together,” Vance said. It somehow felt strangely odd to be refereeing a meeting between the two men but whatever they’d stumbled on was big and he at least needed to figure out what was going on before he let them do things their way.

“Is Tony involved in this?” Fornell asked cautiously.

“No,” Gibbs answered firmly. “Now enough with the secrets. Tell me what the hell _this_ is.”

Fornell favored his friend with a long, hard look but Gibbs didn’t even consider shying away. “There’s a new drug on the street,” the FBI agent finally said, “Devil’s dust.”

“Devil’s dust?”

“I don’t make up the names,” Fornell replied dismissively. “It hit the streets hard in DC about a year ago. Seems like it’s moving down the East Coast and there’s one kingpin controlling the whole thing.”

“Jonah O’Dell,” Gibbs guessed.

“Yes,” Fornell confirmed, “but he’s cautious. He moved to DC when things started getting hot in New York. That’s when the FBI got involved but we have no evidence against him. We have a DNA profile that we can’t conclusively link to him and that’s the closest we’ve gotten so far. His lawyer’s good and, I’m thinking, involved in whatever scheme.”

“If they’re so good, why are they trying to suck Tony in?” Gibbs asked.

“Last month, two teenagers died from snorting Devil’s dust,” Fornell answered. “Nothing ups the pressure like a couple murder charges hanging over your head.”

“That makes sense,” Gibbs said. “O’Dell’s been blackmailing Tony. Tony said he wanted him to see if there were any familiar names on Metro PD’s BOLOs.”

Vance decided it was time for him to get involved in the conversation. “Did Tony do anything he could end up being on the hook for?” he asked cautiously.

“No,” Gibbs answered. “He said he checked but he didn’t see any familiar names and he didn’t attempt to get ahold of Jonah. When Jonah contacted him again, Tony told him he wasn’t playing his game and ended up getting the crap beat out of him for it.”

“That’s what happened to his face?” Vance asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did Jonah say anything that could end up being incriminating?” Fornell asked hopefully.

“I doubt it,” Gibbs answered. “Over the past few days Tony and I have been getting things in the mail from O’Dell, things he’s using to try to pressure Tony into being cooperative. We ran the DNA on the envelopes—”

“Which is why I’m back,” Fornell interrupted.

Gibbs nodded. “When I told Tony the DNA belonged to a drug lord, he seemed shocked. If O’Dell’s as good as you say he is, he’s not gonna answer any of Tony’s questions or freely offer any information. He’s just gonna expect DiNozzo to blindly obey him.”

Fornell agreed with a nod and a sigh. “I can’t prove it but I suspect he had the dealers who sold to our dead teenagers whacked so they couldn’t turn on him. If anyone turns into a liability, O’Dell has them killed. Tony needs to go into protective custody, Jethro.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Gibbs replied.

“I do,” Vance interrupted again.

“Tony can stay with me,” Gibbs said firmly and possessively. “I’ll protect him.”

“This is an FBI case, Jethro,” Fornell said. “It has no connection to the Navy. I can’t bring you in on it.”

“Tony connects it.”

“No, what happened to Tony was a crime against a federal agent which is also the FBI’s jurisdiction,” Fornell said firmly but not without compassion.

“Pack your bags, Agent Gibbs,” Vance said. “I’m putting you on Agent DiNozzo’s protection detail.”

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

"You okay?" Gibbs asked as he flipped his turn signal on before turning into Tony's apartment complex. The man had been unusually quiet and there was no doubt in Gibbs' mind that Tony was drowning in the dark crevices of his mind but he'd been too distracted by the fact that they were being sent away to try to pull him back.

"'m fine," Tony mumbled distractedly.

Okay, he definitely needed to focus on Tony. "Better pack enough clothes for several days," he said, parking the car right out front of Tony's apartment. "Who knows how long we'll be gone."

"You-you don't have to come, Boss," Tony stuttered. "I mean, I-I know you have much more important things to do and stuff and I-I can take care of myself. I'll be okay, really."

"There is nothing more important than you, Tony," Gibbs replied fiercely. "I'm going whether you like it or not."

"'kay."

Gibbs didn't miss the little sigh of relief that followed. "C'mon, let's go."

The two got out of the car and headed for the elevator inside the building. Gibbs scanned the parking lot and then the building for any potential threats. It wasn't until they were inside the elevator that he finally let himself relax.

"How much did you pack?" Tony asked.

"Enough for about a week," Gibbs answered. "I'm sure there'll be a washer and dryer wherever we are. If not, Fornell can do our laundry."

The statement got a half-hearted amused chuckle out of Tony.

The elevator doors opened and Tony led the way down the hall to his front door, opened it and the two stepped inside. Both looked around at the uncharacteristically messy apartment then looked at each other.

"Guess I've been a little distracted," Tony said sheepishly. "Haven't had time to clean."

"It happens," Gibbs replied. He was just getting ready to send Tony off to pack a bag when a red dot appeared in the center of the man's chest. The smile faded from Gibbs' face and he tackled the man to the floor less than a second before a series of gunshots rang out. "Son of a bitch!"

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

"Did you guys manage to get your bags packed before getting shot at?" Vance asked, watching as Tony sat despondently in one of the chairs at the table while Gibbs hovered close by the man.

"Yeah," Gibbs grunted angrily. He'd packed for Tony after the shooting had shaken the man up but he'd been hoping they wouldn't be sent away after the new development. If Vance was asking if they were packed, apparently he was still planning on putting them in protective custody which didn't make the lead investigator happy in the least.

"I have to pee," Tony mumbled, sensing a fight was coming and not wanting to be there to witness it. He'd had enough tension over the last couple days to last him for the next month. Somehow it seemed worse when it was all his fault.

Gibbs resisted the urge to insist the man remain in his presence and simply looked at Tony instead. "Okay," he said. He waited for Tony to leave before addressing Vance again. "I really think you need us here, Leon."

"No, Gibbs," Vance said firmly. "Let us worry about the case. You go nurse your boy back to health."

"I'm not a nurse."

"Let us take care of you while you take care of Tony, Jethro," Fornell urged.

Gibbs contemplated continuing the fight but after making his case to both men, he was quickly realizing it would be futile. Instead of getting himself even more worked up, he decided to give in. "Make sure you put us somewhere we can get pizzas delivered," he grumbled.

"I guess that's your way of saying this conversation's over," Vance muttered kindly.

"No need to worry about your stomach, Jethro," Fornell replied with a grin. "The FBI will even pay for them."

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Gibbs looked in his rear view mirror as he merged onto US-340 but the only thing he saw was Tony stretched out in the backseat, sleeping soundly. A little over an hour earlier, he'd followed two other cars, identical to the one he was driving, off of the Navy Yard where they'd split up, just in case anyone was sitting in wait but after an hour heading west through Virginia, Gibbs was sure they were alone.

As they made the final push to Compton, a tiny town nestled near Shenandoah State Park and the Blue Ridge Mountains, he refocused his attention on Tony. The man had been sleeping for most of the journey, courtesy of the shot Ducky had given him, and Gibbs had let him be, hoping he'd feel better after some rest.

He pulled into the first gas station he came across to fill up and look at the map. The cabin Fornell was sending them to was off the beaten path. They'd have all the privacy they needed without being too far from civilization if they ran into any problems. When he got back in the car after filling it up and buying a cup of coffee, Tony was sitting up in the backseat, rubbing his eyes.

"You're awake," Gibbs greeted.

"Mm-hmm," Tony hummed. "What did Ducky give me, anyways? I'm never this tired."

Gibbs smiled at Tony in the rear view mirror. "A happy shot," he answered, not really knowing what the doctor had injected Tony with. "He gave me more of 'em too, in case you start talking too much or something." He grinned and winked at the man in the mirror.

"Ha ha," Tony said. "Did he really give you more?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah," Gibbs answered honestly, "but he said to only use them if absolutely necessary."

Tony nodded that he understood.

"You want anything before we pull out?"

Tony shook his head no.

"Come up here with me," Gibbs urged. "I need a navigator."

An hour later, Gibbs and Tony were settled in at the small, one room cabin. It was just outside Compton, miles away from any other house, surrounded by trees with a large lake behind the house and the Blue Ridge Mountains off in the distance. It was peaceful and picturesque and Gibbs was hoping it was just what Tony needed in order to relax and start the process of putting the past behind him and putting his life back together.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony was sitting outside on the back patio letting the sun warm his bare legs as he reclined in the Adirondack chair when a noise out front drew his attention. After a morning spent scoping out one of the local restaurants and doing a little grocery shopping, he was happy for an opportunity to relax. The shot Ducky had given him the previous day had finally worn off and the constant battle just to keep his eyes open had ended.

He’d spent the previous afternoon wandering from the chair to the couch and the couch to the bed in the loft of the safe house, dozing in each spot for short lengths of time before moving again. He’d never had a more out of body experience, almost as if he were watching himself move around restlessly and dream fitfully but he’d known Gibbs was nearby the whole time and that was all the safety and protection he needed.

Tony undid the buttons on the cuffs of the long sleeve button up he’d put on and rolled the sleeves part of the way up his forearms. The late August temps were already yo-yoing between hot and cold, making it impossible to dress for the day so he’d decided on a pair of shorts and a long sleeve shirt to try to prevent several middle of the day wardrobe changes.

After a couple minutes of listening to the repetitive noise out front, Tony decided to go investigate. Embarrassment over the knowledge that Gibbs had seen the video and witnessed his panic attack had Tony trying to keep his distance but he knew he couldn’t hide from the man forever and he was craving a little companionship.

He made his way through the one room cabin with an eat-in kitchen under the loft and a cozy living room which Gibbs had no doubt slept in, to the front porch when he saw the man chopping wood nearby. Tony settled quietly on the top step and watched as his boss easily split each piece into two with one strong, confident stroke.

“I thought we could have a bonfire by the lake this evening,” Gibbs said, sensing Tony’s presence, “maybe roast some hotdogs and make some s’mores.” After their trip to the grocery store that morning, the cupboards in the cabin held more food than both of their homes in DC combined.

“That sounds like fun,” Tony agreed. And weird. A bonfire? With Gibbs? Did Gibbs have bonfires? Apparently he did…

The comfortable silence returned as Tony contemplated this new Gibbs he was getting to know while Gibbs continued splitting wood, unaware of the thoughts going through his partner’s head.

Tony watched as he continued contemplating the gentler, homier, more human side of the man he already loved and respected and in a matter of a few short moments he realized he wasn’t just casually observing his boss, he was _coveting_ him. Being forced to revisit his college days and the side of himself he’d been denying for so long was awakening thoughts, emotions and desires he’d never planned on confronting.

As much as he wanted to, Tony couldn’t peel his eyes away from the strong planes and rippling muscles of his boss’s body each time the man raised the axe over his head and brought it down with a firm whack and before he could stop it from happening, his body started reacting but fear quickly countered his excitement. He didn’t want Gibbs to know. Gibbs _couldn’t_ know but Gibbs knew everything. He’d never been able to hide anything from the man.

Fear turned to panic and before Tony knew it, his heart was racing and his vision was blurring. His lungs felt like they weren’t anywhere near big enough to hold air and he found himself tugging desperately at the button up shirt that suddenly felt as if it were choking him.

Panic rose all too quickly for the second day in a row and without Tony even noticing he’d moved, Gibbs was right there all of a sudden— _right_ there; his body wrapped around Tony’s, his legs on either side of Tony’s legs, his arms around Tony’s waist and his hot breath against Tony’s ear whispering reassurances.

“Breathe, Tony,” the man said calmly. “Relax, I’ve got you. You’re safe here. Just calm down and breathe.”

Tony continued to struggle as he desperately tried to get his body to cooperate. How was he so far gone in such a short amount of time? Why wouldn’t his brain obey him?

“Breathe with me, Tony. Feel my chest move and make yours move like it,” Gibbs coaxed.

When Tony latched onto Gibbs’ pant legs with the same death grip as the day before and started desperately gasping for air, Gibbs knew what he had to do. He’d really hoped he wouldn’t have to use any of the shots Ducky had given him but Tony’s struggle was escalating quickly and Gibbs’ efforts to calm him were falling flat.

With a mental curse, Gibbs pulled the pouch of shots out of his cargo pocket, undid Tony’s belt, button and zipper and tugged the back of his shorts down far enough he could inject the medication into his butt, just as he’d seen Ducky do the day before.

“Let the medicine work,” Gibbs urged apologetically. “You’re okay. I promise.” He waited until Tony’s grip on his pant legs loosened and the man’s body relaxed in his arms before speaking again. “Let’s go lie down on the couch, Tony,” he said softly into the man’s ear before helping him stand and moving them towards the living room. Tony was once again moving on autopilot, doing whatever Gibbs told him to do with question or even a second thought.

“I’m scared, Boss,” Tony admitted in a whisper.

“I know,” Gibbs replied, helping him lay back on the couch.

“I don’t wanna be like this,” Tony added.

“We’ll work through it,” Gibbs promised him. He reached out and brushed his fingers lightly across Tony’s hairline, moving a few stray tufts away from the man’s eyes as Tony got himself settled. He could already see sleep tugging at Tony, threatening to pull him under. “Don’t fight it, Tony,” he whispered. “Sleep.”

A half an hour later, Gibbs found himself pacing back and forth across the short distance from one wall of the living room to the other while Tony slept somewhat peacefully on the couch. At least Gibbs hoped he was sleeping peacefully. He resisted the urge to pour himself another cup of coffee for a short moment, knowing the caffeine would only get him more worked up but then decided he needed it in order to think clearly and refilled his cup.

He was quickly realizing that Tony was worse off than he thought. Two serious panic attacks in two days? On top of that, Jonah O’Dell was still on the loose somewhere out there, entirely too close for comfort and he’d been sent away and was being kept in the dark. He wasn’t used to feeling so helpless and out of control. He decided a phone call was in order, hoping to regain a tiny shred of that control.

“Twenty four hours, I’m impressed, Jethro.”

“What do ya know, Duck?” Gibbs asked quietly so as not to wake Tony.

“Not much I’m afraid,” Ducky answered. “There are no bodies in this case which eliminates most of my contacts. I have no one to pump for information.”

Jethro stopped pacing and stared blankly out the window for a moment. “How’s my team taking this? What’s Vance having them do?”

“Abagail’s wracking her brain trying to figure out a way to break the case. Ziva’s not happy about being left in the dark and young Timothy is just worried about everyone. The Director has them doing the necessary but tedious chore of going through everything in the secure file room until a case drops.”

“And if a case does come in?” Gibbs asked.

“Balboa will split his time between his team and yours, overseeing two investigations. Now it’s my turn to ask a question. How’s Anthony?”

“He had another panic attack this afternoon,” Jethro told the doctor. “I ended up having to give him another shot.”

“I’m not terribly surprised,” Ducky admitted. “Tony’s been hiding a piece of himself from the world ever since that humiliating experience in college.  He probably had no intention of ever considering it again.”

“And now he’s being forced to.”

“Well, now he’s being forced to remember but, Jethro, feelings of shame and humiliation are much more powerful than curiosity. Anthony was young and impressionable when all this took place and those boys used his curiosity to demean him. He needs help looking past the shame and humiliation. He needs a safe place to explore the feelings that caused the original curiosity. He needs to face the root of what happened all those years ago. That’s the only way the panic attacks will stop and he can begin the healing process.”

Jethro glanced at his partner still sleeping on the couch as he thought about a painful memory from his own past. “I think I know how to get him to open up,” he said.

“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Jethro,” Ducky said with full confidence. “Bring Tony back to us when this is all over.”

“Will do, Duck,” Jethro replied. “Let me know if there are any developments.”


	5. Broken Pieces

“Answer a question for me, Tony,” Gibbs said, leaning casually into the corner of the couch, his body tilted slightly towards Tony.

“What do you wanna know?” Tony replied cautiously. He really didn’t want to talk about the video, Jonah, the panic attacks he’d been having or anything relating to current events. In fact, he didn't even want to be there anymore. He didn't want to talk about stuff or think about stuff and he most certainly didn't want to remember stuff from the past. All he wanted was for everyone to leave him alone and for things to go back to the way they were, even if that meant continuing to live a lie. He'd been doing that his whole life, he was good at lies but Gibbs’ posture and patient tone made Tony think the man was ready to play therapist. 

“Are you attracted to men?”

“What? No! I’m not gay. I’m _not_ gay.”

Gibbs studied the man for a moment, worrying his lower lip with his teeth as he did. “You answered that pretty fast. Is there something wrong with being gay? With being attracted to the same sex?”

“No,” Tony scoffed, clearly offended that Gibbs would think such a thing of him, “but that’s not me. I’m not gay,” he stated again firmly. The longer Gibbs watched him, the more Tony squirmed under the scrutiny. “I’m _not_ gay,” he repeated when he couldn’t take the silence any longer.

Gibbs nodded his head, his gaze never wavering. He was quiet for a few seconds longer before he asked his next question. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Anthony?”

Gibbs’ demeanor was calm and his voice not the least bit threatening or judgmental but it was immediately clear that Tony took it as a personal attack. The younger man quickly and angrily rose from the couch and took a step away from him. Tony opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn’t come out so instead he turned and stormed off, disappearing up to the loft.

A short time later, Gibbs stepped softly up the narrow staircase to the loft where Tony had disappeared. It had been nearly an hour and he hadn't heard anything from the man. He wanted to give him his space, knowing he'd given him a lot to think about, but he also felt the need to check on the man and make sure he was okay. He wasn't surprised to find him in bed, considering he hadn't heard any footsteps but he still stepped around to the side of the bed for a better look. He frowned when he saw red streaks and tear tracks on Tony's cheeks and couldn't stop himself from reaching out and brushing his thumb across one of the paths.

"Oh, Tony," he whispered softly.

He straightened out the blankets over Tony's body, favored him with one more look then headed back down the stairs.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

“Gibbs?”

The voice behind him was quiet and unsure but Gibbs didn’t make Tony work for his attention. “Come sit down with me,” he said, laying his book aside and patting the cushion next to him. “Talk to me.”

Tony hesitated briefly before joining the other man on the couch. His breaths were short and shallow and he couldn’t even bear to look at the man sitting next to him.

“Breathe, Tony,” Gibbs coaxed.

“I am,” Tony said before consciously taking a deep breath and trying to act normal. “Is there any coffee?”

“Yeah,” Gibbs answered with a nod before standing. “Sit tight, I’ll pour you a cup.” He disappeared into the kitchen and poured Tony a cup of coffee, doctoring it up to his friend’s liking before returning. He handed it to Tony with a smile and paused to gently prod at the man’s bruised cheekbone. “How was your nap?”

Tony shrugged, soaking up the soft affectionate touch before the man’s hand disappeared. He took a sip of his coffee and let the beverage soothe him as it went down.

The two sat in companionable silence for a few moments before Tony spoke.

“I’m not gay,” he said before lowering his voice slightly, “but I think that maybe… maybe I have been lying to myself.” He chanced a glance up at Gibbs and saw uncharacteristic patience and an openness he didn’t usually associate with the man.

“Tell me,” Gibbs replied simply.

“I like women,” Tony whispered, pausing to swallow hard before adding, “too.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word.

“So you’re bisexual?” Gibbs asked.

Tony’s head dropped even farther at hearing the word spoken aloud and he turned slightly away from Gibbs.

Gibbs studied the man carefully, reading his body language before speaking. “Tony, there’s no shame—”

“I don’t know,” Tony interrupted. “I don’t know what I am.” His experience with his frat brothers had pretty much put an end to him exploring any part of his sexuality that society didn’t see as the norm. The shame he felt from the humiliation made him not even want to consider it again but now he was being forced into it and he was realizing his feelings had never been very far under the surface.

“Are you curious?” Gibbs asked patiently.

“Boss,” Tony grumbled, sounding like a child scoffing at a parent for prying too much.

When Tony didn’t continue, Gibbs spoke again. “I was sixteen,” he started, sounding unsure for the first time since the whole Jonah O’Dell mess had started. He wasn’t used to sharing his past. There were so many hurts that he usually tried not to remember any of it but Tony was attempting to do the same thing and it wasn’t going very well. “Tommy was my best friend. We were in the locker room after a baseball game and he caught me peeking in the showers.”

Gibbs paused and looked over at Tony, clearly seeing the man’s curiosity despite his inability to make eye contact. “Thankfully no one else realized what was going on and Tommy didn’t say anything.”

“Was he still your friend?” Tony asked. “I mean, it’s not like you did anything. Every guy peeks, right?”

“I think it was about month later,” Gibbs continued, answering Tony’s question by continuing the story, “school had let out for the summer. I was down by the creek, skinny dipping in the middle of the night and Tommy showed up. He got in the water, took his trunks off and tossed ‘em on the riverbank. It didn’t take long before we started touching each other. It was just curiosity at that point but it revealed something to both of us and by the time our junior year started that fall we were stealing kisses and sneaking off whenever we could. He and I never went all the way but there was no way we could say we weren’t lovers.”

“That’s so private and intimate though,” Tony replied quietly, “and the complete opposite of what happened to me. For you it was kept between two people, for me, the whole fraternity knew. They witnessed it!”

“Our stories are different but they’re the same too,” Gibbs pointed out. “Nobody knew about Tommy and I except for Tommy and I,” he paused and looked at Tony thoughtfully, “and now you. He never made it to high school graduation; got hit and killed one morning when he was out jogging. I thought he was the love of my life, Tony, and I was sure I’d never love again. After he passed, I decided to tuck that part of myself away and just ignore those feelings and that curiosity. Shannon came along and I don’t think it’s any secret how much I loved her.” He paused once again as the memories threatened to overwhelm him.

“And then Shannon was gone too,” Tony guessed quietly.

“And then Shannon was gone too,” Gibbs confirmed just as quietly, “and my life was in a downward spiral.”

Tony knew all about the downward spiral Gibbs was referring to; the loss of his career in the Marine Corps, the three failed marriages, the empty shell of a house that he lived in that had once been filled with love and life and every good thing in the world.

“It took some time,” Gibbs continued, “and a little soul searching but I finally figured out why I couldn’t seem to recover and find any satisfaction in my life.”

“Why?” Tony whispered.

“Because I was trying to conform to what I thought society wanted me to be,” Gibbs answered. “Straight. Married. Successful. Happy. I was putting up a front for the world to see and you can do that, if you feel like that’s what you need to do to protect yourself, Tony, but you can’t hide the truth from yourself. That’s not fair to you and it’s not healthy. You have to be true to yourself if you ever expect to find meaning in life and happiness and peace.”

“Are you happy?” Tony asked curiously. If he were ever forced to make a list of the happy people in his life, his boss’s name would be at the very bottom of it.

“I’m at peace with who I am,” Gibbs answered. “As for happy? I’m getting there. It’s a journey.”

Tony bowed his head, mulling over the words before speaking again. “Do you ever feel like you’re so far down the wrong path that you can’t turn around and go back?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, um, maybe that I might’ve over exaggerated how much of a ladies man I am so nobody would ever suspect the truth,” Tony admitted. “Plus I’ve spent so much time teasing McGee about being gay, probably so he would never guess I was and… oh shit.” Tony paused and his horrified gaze met Gibbs’. “What if he figured it out? What if McGee knows that’s why I tease him so much?”

“What if he does?” Gibbs asked. “Has he treated you any differently?”

“Well, no,” Tony admitted.

“I don’t think McGee suspects anything, Tony,” Gibbs said, “but I don’t think he would care one way or the other.” He watched for a moment as Tony silently battled his demons. “You don’t have to tell him and you don’t have to decide if you want to or not right now.”

Tony relaxed into the couch while Gibbs let memories of his past wash over him, bringing another comfortable silence. As Tony warred with his past and long hidden feelings, he started to come to terms with who he was and Gibbs’ unusual openness and patience gave Tony the security he needed to acknowledge things he’d been afraid to in the past.

Next to Tony, Gibbs realized that the things he was telling the man were all good and well but he hadn’t been living up to the standards he was preaching about. He wasn’t happy and living to his full potential and a big part of the reason for that was because he wasn’t trying. He may have conquered the part about admitting who he was to himself but he’d never gone beyond that and it was holding him back. Just like Tony, he still had some work to do.

“I’m lonely,” Tony admitted quietly, “and I hurt.”

“I know you do.” Gibbs cautiously wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders and when the man didn’t tense or pull away, he urged Tony closer, letting the man lean heavily against him. Maybe whatever they still had to figure out, they could figure it out together.

**NCIS | NCIS |NCIS | NCIS**

Tony sat in the Adirondack chair by the fire pit Gibbs had constructed earlier that evening, trying to stay awake. The shot Gibbs had given him was making it difficult, even though he'd slept for a good part of the afternoon. It was already dark and the cool breeze blowing in off the water mixed with the warmth from the fire was a perfect storm of comfort, making Tony's body want to go back to sleep.

"Here," Gibbs said, handing Tony a long handled skewer with two hot dogs on the prongs on the other end.

"Thanks," Tony mumbled.

They hadn't eaten dinner yet, partly because Tony had slept through it and partly because Gibbs was used to eating late and didn't want to eat without Tony.

"Hey, Boss?"

"You can call me Jethro, Tony."

"Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"How many of those shots did Ducky give you?"

"I dunno," Jethro answered. "A pouch full. Why?"

"Well, can you not give me anymore of 'em? They make me really tired."

"I don't like giving them to ya, Tony, but I really felt like it was unavoidable this morning."

Tony nodded as he stretched his arm out, holding his hot dogs over the fire.

Jethro frowned at the solemn expression on Tony's face. "Let's just take it one day at a time," he said. "Maybe you can come find me if you feel like you're starting to get worked up; we can talk through it and see if we can get you calmed down and avoid another shot."

"Okay," Tony replied with a nod.

"You gonna be able to stay awake long enough to eat?"

"I'm trying."

Jethro smiled reassuringly as he dropped into the chair next to Tony and patted the man's knee. Tony stared at the connection between their bodies as warm, strange tingles spread out from that spot.

"Your hot dogs are burning," Jethro pointed out, unintentionally distracting Tony from the tingles.

"Oh." Tony quickly moved his hot dogs away from the fire and willingly let Jethro put them in buns and add toppings before handing them back. "Thanks."

"Do I need to feed you too?" Jethro teased.

Tony looked away slightly and smiled shyly. "I think I can handle it on my own."

"Alright. You let me know now."

Their eyes met briefly and Jethro winked at his friend before Tony once again smiled shyly and diverted his eyes.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

After a long night and a quiet morning, Jethro stood in the living room looking out over the lake as he held the phone to his ear and watched Tony dip his feet in the water. Tony had slept fitfully through the night and a bit more peacefully through the morning before finally getting up and moving around. The man had downed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a handful of bites then decided to head outside by the lake, leaving Jethro inside to make his phone call.

"Hello?"

"Tobias, what the hell took you so long to answer the phone?"

"I'm kinda working here," Fornell snarked. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"No," Jethro said, watching as Tony skipped a stone across the calm, still lake water. "Just calling for a sitrep."

"I wish I had one to give you, other than the fact that there seems to be more Devil's dust than ever on the streets and no sign of O'Dell."

"Shit," Jethro grumbled.

"Yeah," Fornell agreed solemnly. "I got a call from Metro earlier after they received a call from one of the local middle schools. A drug sniffing dog hit on a thirteen year old's locker. They found a Ziploc bag of Devil's dustin the kid's locker, packaged to sell."

"Thirteen?" Jethro said in shock.

"Tell me about it," Fornell replied. "I wish I had better news for you. How are you guys doing?"

"As well as can be expected," Jethro answered, turning his gaze back towards Tony. "We've had a couple rough patches but I think we're making progress."

"I'm glad to hear it. Do you need anything?"

"Nah, we’re good right now."

"Alright. Let me know."

"Will do. Thanks, Tobias."

After hanging up the phone, Jethro watched Tony for a moment longer before stepping out onto the back porch just in time to see the man strip down to his underwear and walk out into the warm, clear water.

"We shoulda packed swimming shorts," Jethro called as he headed towards the water.

"We're both guys here," Tony replied without thinking. "Wait, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that, Boss. I'm not gonna try to put the moves on you or anything. I just—I was—I—"

"Relax, Tony," Jethro interrupted.

"It's just that—I mean I didn't want you to think that—I—"

"I know you, Tony," Jethro interrupted again. "You don't have to apologize to me for anything and I doubt anything you do will surprise me."

"I'm not too sure about that," Tony muttered. "I just didn't want you to think..." He raised his eyebrows and let his sentence trail off.

"Don't worry about what I'm thinking. If it's something you need to know about I'll let you know."

"Okay," Tony replied unsurely.

"Do you trust me, Tony?" Jethro asked.

"With my life," Tony answered with no hesitation.

"Good," Jethro replied with a confident smile and just like that the conversation was over. "Pizza for dinner?"

"You know what I like!" Tony called after the man, mentally scolding himself for the awkward conversation as he watched Jethro walk away.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Each day that passed was thankfully more uneventful than the last but as a semblance of normalcy returned, so did a sense of boredom and Jethro could only handle so much boredom before the need to break up the monotony grew to unbearable levels. That and he was beginning to feel trapped in the cabin.

He stepped quietly up the staircase to the loft, hopeful he'd find Tony in as good of spirits as the man had gone to bed in the night before. They'd ordered a pizza and enjoyed it while watching an old western they found on TV. It reminded Jethro of the movie nights he'd shared with Tony back in DC, when the man would show up after a rough case or just because he got lonely—even though he'd never admit to that.  

The sun pouring into the loft window illuminated Tony's naked backside in a way a photographer definitely would've appreciated. Jethro appreciated it too as he sat down on the bed next to Tony and rested a hand on the man's shoulder.

"Tony, wake up," he urged.

Tony mumbled and muttered and turned his head to face the other direction before settling back in to go back to sleep but before the thought could even cross his mind, Jethro's hand landed in a sharp smack across his bare, exposed ass.

Tony's eyes popped open immediately as a surprised shriek escaped from his mouth.

"Relax, Tony. I've had a couple good peeks at your ass since this whole thing started and you've got nothing to be ashamed of. Don't go gettin' all shy on me now."

Tony shot Jethro a crooked grin that rivaled one of Gibbs' own over his shoulder at the compliment.

"I thought we could check out the diner in town for breakfast," Jethro said.

"Didn't Fornell tell us to limit our trips into town?"

"Fornell tells us a lot of things," Jethro commented dismissively. "I wanna get a lay of the land, see who's around, who's supposed to be where and when that way I know if something's off down the road."

"Alright," Tony agreed, "I'll go on one condition."

"Hmm?"

"This place is in desperate need of alcohol."

"You wanna hear my condition?"

"What?" Tony asked, preparing himself for Jethro to treat him like a little kid.

"You put some clothes on before we leave," Jethro said with a wink.

Tony visibly relaxed. The smile on his face was genuine and brighter than the sun. "You're the one that snuck up here for a peek," he teased as Jethro stood to leave.

"And you sure gave me an eyeful," Jethro replied, playing along.

Tony waited until the man had disappeared down the stairs before he rolled over and sat up, combing his fingers through his unruly hair and brushing the sleep out of his eyes.

Later that afternoon, after their trip into town and more time at the cabin, Tony sighed heavily as the foot that was propped on the coffee table wiggled back and forth restlessly. Jethro, who was sitting next to him, reached over and patted his thigh in an attempt to calm him but it didn't seem to help so he put his book aside and looked over at the man.

"What's wrong, Tony?"

"I feel better," Tony huffed.

"I'm happy to hear that," Jethro replied.

"I wanna go home. We should be helping with this case, Boss."

"We're not out here waiting for you to feel better."

"Boss," Tony grumbled disbelievingly.

"Okay," Jethro admitted, "maybe that's part of the reason but the main reason is because you're in danger. Jonah O'Dell leaves a trail of bodies wherever he goes. I don't want your name added to that list."

"Aww, Boss, I always knew you cared but seriously? Jonah's not the first person who's tried to whack me and I'm sure he won't be the last."

"He's dangerous, Tony," Jethro interrupted. "The FBI's been after him for almost a year now and every time they get close, they end up with more bodies. This is different. I agree with the decision to put you in protective custody."

"I can take care of myself."

One corner of Jethro's mouth twitched up into a smile as he shot Tony a knowing look. He reached over and lifted the man's shirt, revealing his still colorfully bruised torso.

"Okay, so maybe he got the better of me once but I'm ready for him now."

"Tony, we can't work this case. It's not in our jurisdiction. Let's take it easy and enjoy a little R & R."

"Hiding makes me feel weak. I hate running away."

"You're not weak, Tony, and nobody thinks you ran away."

"I'm bored, Boss."

"Stop calling me boss," Jethro grumbled playfully, "and what would you like me to do to cure your boredom?"

"I was hoping you might take me home but I have a feeling that isn't gonna happen."

"It's not," Jethro confirmed, "but I have a better idea. Go put your shoes on."

Thirty minutes later the two were wandering around the electronics section in the only supermarket in town, browsing the limited selection of movies. Despite the lack of choices, Tony still managed to find several ‘must sees’ before dragging Jethro over to the food section to get some snacks for them to enjoy while they watched the ‘epic lineup’ Tony had all planned out. Tony couldn’t wait to share his passion for movies with Jethro and Jethro was surprised to find he was actually looking forward an evening of lounging in front of the TV with Tony.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Fornell had just stripped out of his clothes, thoroughly excited to have five minutes for a hot shower for the first time in three days when his phone started going off. He glanced at the steam pouring out from around the shower curtain and briefly considered ignoring the call but grunted his disappointment instead as he hurried towards his phone.

His heart dropped and he looked longingly at the shower as he listened to the agent on the other end of the phone. Not only was all hope of five minutes in the shower gone, it appeared he'd be working through the night again.

"Alright, thanks," he muttered before hanging up and pausing only briefly before dialing another number. "Jethro," he said, "more bad news."

'Fornell,' Jethro mouthed to Tony. "I'm afraid to ask."

"I'm sorry, Jethro," Fornell said.

Jethro's stomach dropped at his friend's hesitation and tone. Something was wrong. "Just tell me, Tobias," he said, all the snarkiness in his voice gone.

"Your house was ransacked," Fornell started.

"That's no big deal. It's just stuff."

"Apparently your neighbor saw a car in your driveway, thought you were home and went to investigate."

"No," Jethro whispered.

"She walked right in the front door and confronted whoever was trashing your place," Fornell continued a little quieter. "Guy pulled a gun on her, shot her in the chest."

"Shit!"

"She's not dead," the FBI agent added quickly. "She's in surgery now. The docs aren’t saying much though."

"Son of a bitch," Jethro cursed again, causing Tony to cautiously reach for him. "Was it Ms. Nellie?"

"Yeah."

Jethro pulled the phone away from his ear and rubbed his face in his hands.

"Jethro?" Tony asked, fear paralyzing him from doing anything other than whispering. "What happened to Ms. Nellie?" He'd been over at Gibbs’ house on more than one occasion when the older woman had dropped by with baked goodies as a thank you to Jethro for mowing her lawn or helping her out with little things around the house like changing light bulbs and keeping her car running.

"What're the doctors saying?" Jethro asked after bringing the phone back to his ear. He held up a single finger in a silent request for Tony to wait.

"She's got a collapsed lung and she's bleeding from somewhere that I guess they couldn't pinpoint without doing emergency surgery. It’s still touch and go."

Jethro nodded even though his friend couldn't see him. He knew Ms. Nellie was going to outlive them all. This was just a bump in the road for her. "Listen to me very carefully, Tobias," he said threateningly, "you put an army of agents on her. _Don't_ let anything else happen to her."

"Already done, Jethro."

"Keep me in the loop." And with that he slammed his phone closed.

Tony sat in silence in front of the TV, waiting and hoping Jethro would say something and when he didn't, Tony decided to prompt him. "Is Ms. Nellie okay?"

"Took a bullet to the chest," Jethro answered. "She's in surgery now."

"But who would shoot Ms. Nellie?" Tony asked in confusion.

"O'Dell or one of his cronies. They were ransacking my house. Ms. Nellie saw a car in the driveway, thought I was home and went to say hello."

"We should go to the hospital and check on her," Tony said.

Jethro stood from his spot on the couch and began pacing, rubbing the back of his head while he thought everything through. Movie night was already in full swing but that was the last thing on their minds after Fornell’s call. It took several minutes for Jethro to make his decision. “It’s too risky. O’Dell’s after you, he was probably looking for you at my house. If we show up in DC, we could lead him right to her.”

Tony watched as Jethro paced, wishing there was something he could do to comfort the man, to comfort both of them. Ms. Nellie was family and completely innocent in all of this. O’Dell had made things incredibly personal by going after her. “Are you okay?” he asked unsurely.

"Yeah," Jethro answered out of habit before stopping his pacing and facing Tony. After everything they'd been through over the past several days, the man deserved an honest answer. "I don't know."

Tony simply nodded. “Me either,” he replied.


	6. The New Boat, Basement, Bourbon

The faint sound of the leaves rustling in the breeze outside could be heard in the loft of the small cabin. Tony was only half aware of the noise as he laid in bed, partially aware of his surroundings as he tried to wake up. The news of Ms. Nellie's attack had led to another sleepless night which had only built on all the sleepless nights before that.

Despite his exhaustion, Tony threw his legs over the side of the bed with a grunt and dragged himself to a sitting position. He needed to find Jethro and he really needed the man to be okay.

The more Tony moved around, the more he started wake. He found his clothes strewn across the loft and dressed himself before heading downstairs but he found the cabin empty.

"Jethro?" he called curiously.  "Jethro!"

Tony rubbed tiredly at his eyes, wishing he had more energy but despite his exhaustion he continued his search. A glance out the window revealed Jethro waist deep in the lake with a fishing pole in his hand.

"Well, this is either gonna be really good or really, really bad," Tony muttered to himself.

He slipped his feet into his shoes, not bothering to tie them, and headed outside.

"Went looking for you on the couch this morning but you weren't there," he called as he approached. "Afraid I'd repay you for yesterday morning and get a peek at your ass?"

A grin spread across Jethro's face. He reached behind him and pushed his shorts and underwear down, mooning Tony.

Tony's eyes widened in shock at the sight. He never would've guessed Jethro Gibbs would moon anyone. A smile spread across his face as the shock passed and Tony settled on a large stump on the beach. "So," he said hesitantly, "are you getting tired of eggs and bacon or did you have a sudden craving for fish or what's going on?"

Jethro was amused with Tony's attempt to assess his state of mind. "Just thinking," he replied. "It's peaceful out here and fishing gives me something to keep my hands busy."

"Oh, so this is because there's no boat, basement, bourbon," Tony concluded. "It's all about fishing, lake, coffee." He frowned as the three words came out of his mouth. "That's not nearly as poetic as boat, basement, bourbon. How about we just say this is the new boat, basement, bourbon?"

Jethro huffed out a laugh at Tony's assessment. "Works for me," he answered.

Tony settled in even more, enjoying the stillness of the morning. A light fog was rising up off the water towards the center of the lake creating the kinds of views that attracted tourists from all over. Not far down the coast, a doe stepped out of the woods followed by her three fawns to drink from the water. The movement caught Jethro's eye and he watched the scene for a moment too before looking back at Tony and smiling. Being that much a part of nature made it easy to forget about NCIS, the FBI, Washington DC and Jonah O'Dell.

The smile on Jethro's face gave Tony the courage he needed to venture back into personal territory with the man and ask the question he so desperately needed an answer to. "Hey, Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"Is everything okay?" He stopped and shook his head in frustration as he rethought his question. Of course everything wasn't okay. Ms. Nellie was in the hospital, Jonah was on the loose with his gang of thugs and there was a huge amount of Devil's dust on the streets of DC, easily available to almost anyone who was interested. _Nothing_ was okay. "I mean, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jethro answered after only a moment's thought. "I'm not happy but I'm okay."

"Not happy because of Ms. Nellie?" Tony asked cautiously.

"Ms. Nellie and the way O'Dell tried to use you," Jethro answered, "us being out here while everything's going down in DC."

"I don't think anything's going on in DC," Tony snarked.

Jethro tilted his head in agreement. "That only adds to the frustration."

"I'm frustrated too," Tony admitted. "I feel like this whole thing is all my fault."

"That's a lot of power you're giving yourself," Jethro told his partner.

Tony thought about the statement for a moment before smiling in realization. "I just mean, if I hadn't freaked and the panic attacks and me knowing Jonah from Ohio State... It feels like it's all my fault."

"You're not the criminal here, Tony," Jethro said patiently. "What you just said equates to blaming the victim and you've never been one to do that. What you do have a bad habit of doing is carrying the burden solely on your shoulders. There's a reason you're part of a team, Tony. None of us are capable of doing what we do alone. Your connection to Jonah has done a lot of good for this investigation. Your panic attacks are perfectly understandable and nobody's judging you for them. None of this is your fault."

Tony let Jethro's words replay in his head for a moment before glancing up at the man with a barely perceptible smile on his face. "I'm not a victim," he said.

"Damn straight you're not," Jethro agreed passionately. "You never have been. You're a fighter. Now, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Tony answered. "Just worried about Ms. Nellie."

"Me too," Jethro agreed. "Why don't you go grab a fishing pole out of the shed? It'll take your mind off everything."

"I've never caught a fish in my life," Tony replied with a sarcastic laugh.

"You're probably not doing it right," Jethro said. "Go get a pole. I'll show you."

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Fornell wasn't sure if he felt more like he was beating his head against the wall or running in circles. Maybe it could more accurately be described as beating his head against the wall while running in circles. Whatever it was, he was going nowhere fast and he had a headache.

He and Sacks had just finished a third canvas of O'Dell's neighborhood, hoping to find someone who'd seen, heard or knew something and would be willing to flip on the drug lord and for the third time they'd come up empty. They were headed back to their sedan when a subtle whistle got their attention. Both men looked around the rundown neighborhood and when the whistle sounded again, they pinpointed it to the home right next door to Jonah's, where someone standing behind a barely cracked open door was trying to get their attention.

"We walking into a trap?" Sacks asked in a hushed tone as the two cautiously made their way towards the home.

"If we are maybe they'll find our bodies and have something to arrest someone for," Fornell answered cynically.

"I would prefer it not come to that," Sacks replied.

"Are you those FBI agents that've been snooping around for the past several days?" the woman in the house asked, still not opening her door enough they could really even see her.

"Yes, Ma'am," Fornell answered. "Is there something you'd—" Before he could even finish his sentence, they were quickly ushered inside and the door was closed and locked.

"You can't be too careful around here," the woman said. "People see you talking to the police and you most likely end up dead."

"That explains why no one answers their doors when we knock," Fornell half joked. It wasn't funny but if he didn't find something to laugh about, he'd end up doing something horrible.

"Yeah, well, we're just doing all we can to protect our own," the woman replied. "My name is Judy Kirkpatrick. I've lived here since before the gangs and drug lords took over our neighborhood, back when it was good. I raised my kids in this very house and both of them turned out to be very successful adults. Now you can't even walk to your mailbox without praying you don't get killed in a drive by or kidnapped off the street never to be heard from again. Ever since that neighbor of mine moved in."

"Which neighbor, Ms. Kirkpatrick?" Sacks asked, cutting off the woman's rambling.

"O'Dell," Judy replied, pointing towards the man's home, "that's his name. He has people coming to his house at all hours of the day and night and you know what they're doing, don't you? Buying drugs."

"Have you witnessed this?" Fornell asked. He'd been surprised to find someone who'd actually talk to them but after listening to her talk, he felt like he'd hit the jackpot. A nosy neighbor could be exactly what they need to bring down O'Dell.

"Honey, I've witnessed all kinds of things," Judy answered. "Seen it with my own eyes. Hell, I've even heard a murder plot being hatched while those thugs smoked their hemp late one night."

"Would you be willing to testify in court to what you've seen and heard?" Sacks asked.

"Well that's the thing," the woman said, "my first grandbaby is due this coming January. I don't want to miss out on that. At the same time, I'd like to be able to have my grandchild over to my house without fear of something horrible happening to them. I can't afford to move away. The real estate market around here took a nosedive thanks to all the gang activity. I don't know what to do."

"Help us," Fornell urged. "Help us clean up your streets and turn this back into the respectable, family friendly community it used to be. We can protect you."

“That’s what your people told all the other informants and they’re dead now,” Judy pointed out.

Fornell mentally cursed. They had lost all the other informants that had agreed to testify against O’Dell, which was a huge reason they were having such a difficult time convincing others to cross the man. It wasn’t a pleasant position to find oneself in. “I can’t deny what’s happened in the past,” he agreed, “but that’s even more of a reason to get Jonah O’Dell off the streets and we can’t do that without you, Ms. Kirkpatrick.”

The older woman was struck by the honesty and hard truths the FBI agent was admitting to. She looked around her home was taken back to the years when her children were young and growing, happily playing in their home without a worry or care in the world. They’d ridden their bikes up and down the street that people were now losing their lives on. They’d played football and soccer in the yards where bullets now flew unexpectedly. She wanted that peace back, not only for her grandchild but for all the other children in the neighborhood who were forced to call that home. She didn’t want Jonah O’Dell and his group of thugs to win for one more day.

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll do it. I’ll help you take him down.”

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Jethro laid perfectly still as he listened to the movement in the pitch black of night. The footsteps on the stairs made their way into the kitchen and paced around briefly before heading towards his location.

“What’s wrong, Tony?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t feel good,” Tony said and Jethro immediately recognized the panic in his voice. “I don’t know what it is. It’s just that something’s off or... I—I don’t know. Something’s wrong. Something bad, Jethro. Something… there’s something…”

“Calm down,” Jethro urged. “You’re getting yourself all worked up.” He could hear it in the man’s voice and the more Tony talked, the more worked up he got. “Are you dressed?”

“Huh? Yeah, of course,” Tony answered in confusion.

Jethro scooted over on the sofa bed and pulled the blankets back. “Come here,” he said, patting the bed, “lay down with me.”

“Boss?”

“Relax, it’s okay. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

Tony paced next to the bed for a moment before nervously climbing in and laying down next to Jethro but he was tense—so tense and wired. He felt like he needed to be doing something but he had no idea what.

“What’s bothering you, Tony?” Jethro asked. “What’s got you so worked up? Talk to me.”

“I don’t know,” Tony answered sounding even more panicked than before. “I can’t explain it.”

“Try,” Jethro encouraged.

“Something bad,” Tony insisted. “I don’t know but it’s something bad.”

“Okay,” Jethro said calmly, “relax, calm down.” When it became clear Tony wasn’t going to be able to make any sense of the feelings that were overwhelming him, Jethro reached for the man’s wrist and felt for his pulse. “Slow your breathing down, Tony. You’re gonna hyperventilate. Are you gonna have a panic attack?”

Tony made a calculated effort to take a deep breath and calm himself down but he was having a hard time controlling the building panic. “I think I’m okay,” he answered unsurely.

“I’m right here,” Jethro reminded him. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m scared,” Tony repeated softly. “I don’t know why I’m scared. Why am I so scared?”

“You’re working through a lot of stuff right now and that can be scary and confusing but you’re okay,” Jethro told the man. He urged Tony back against him until the man’s back was flush with his chest. “You’re safe,” he reminded Tony. “I’m right here.”

He rested his hand firmly against Tony’s chest to keep track of the man’s heartbeat and purposefully exaggerated his breaths in hopes that Tony would mimic them. As Tony finally started to calm, Jethro let himself relax as well, silently rejoicing that he hadn’t had to resort to another one of the shots Ducky had sent along. He tugged the man even closer and held onto him tightly until they both fell back asleep.

Several hours later, Tony woke in the safety of a warm embrace, pressed against the firm body of a man he trusted with _everything_. The panic and fear had subsided and he was surprised to find he felt more refreshed than he had since the day Jonah had started texting him. Tony turned in the embrace, careful not to move away from the man as he did so and found himself face to face with the man. The two made eye contact but the only words being spoken were in the looks they were sharing.

Tony’s heart raced in excitement when Jethro’s hand came up and his fingers brushed across Tony’s cheek.

“How ya feelin’?” Jethro asked quietly.

“Better,” Tony answered. “Much better.”

“Is this okay?” Jethro asked in a whisper, brushing his thumb back and forth across Tony’s cheek.

“Yes,” Tony answered, just as quietly.

A surge of electricity spread through Tony when Jethro’s thumb came around and swiped across his lips as the man scooted his head closer. Tony arched his neck, moving his head closer as well and cautiously rubbed his nose against Jethro’s. One final shared look confirmed the moment was one of mutual curiosity and interest and urged them to close the distance and press their lips together. One kiss turned into another followed by a brief hesitation when Jethro paused to assess Tony.

“Please don’t stop,” Tony said quietly.

“Okay,” Jethro replied, already going in for another kiss.

Excitement built even more as the kissing continued and grew more intense when fingers started exploring faces, necks, arms and chests. A sharp knock at the door interrupted the moment of intimacy and had Jethro on his feet, grabbing for his sidearm before whoever was on the other side of the door even finished knocking.

“It’s me, Jethro,” Fornell called from the porch, “let me in.”

Jethro dropped his weapon back onto the nightstand with a thud and headed for the front door, rubbing his fingers through his hair in an attempt to straighten it as he went. After a look through the peephole to make sure it was Fornell and only Fornell, Jethro opened the door and waved his friend in. “Little early, don’t ya think?” he asked.

“It’s after 8,” Fornell scoffed. “Don’t tell me you were still in bed.”

“Okay then, I won’t tell you,” Jethro teased. He happily accepted the coffee his friend offered to him and peeked into the paper bag the man had dropped onto the kitchen table, smiling when he saw donuts. “Fornell brought coffee and donuts, Tony.”

“I’m not ready to get up yet,” Tony replied from the living room where he was still sprawled out under the blankets on the sofa bed he’d shared with Jethro the night before.

“I wish there was another reason for my visit, Jethro,” Fornell said, “any other reason.”

“What’s wrong now?” Jethro groaned. “What happened?”

“Ms. Nellie died early this morning,” Fornell said. “She never woke after surgery. Doctors were hopeful she’d come to and recover but she went the other way, slipped away shortly after midnight.”

Jethro glanced towards the living room where Tony was and wondered if that was why the man had been awake and so upset in the middle of the night. Maybe he’d somehow sensed what was happening back in DC. “I want this bastard, Tobias,” he ground out through gritted teeth. “I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”

“We’ll get him, Jethro,” Fornell stated confidently. “I’ve got a neighbor who’s seen and heard a lot since O’Dell moved in next door to her. She’s agreed to testify.”

“That’s something,” Jethro said, not letting himself get his hopes up. He knew how many witnesses had been lost in the ongoing battle to take O’Dell down but he wouldn’t bring it up to Fornell. That wouldn’t be fair.

Fornell softened his tone and expression and ventured into personal territory. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jethro. I know you and Ms. Nellie were close.”

Jethro simply nodded, still processing the news.

“I’ll leave you two to get on with your day,” Fornell said, standing from his chair. “I just wanted to give you the news in person and check in with you guys. Do you need anything?”

Several answers filtered through Jethro’s mind but he shook his head instead. “No. Thanks for the coffee and donuts.”

After Fornell made his exit, Tony pushed the blankets back and rolled out of bed. He made his way into the kitchen where Jethro was still sitting and peeked in the paper bag that was on the table.

“I’m worried, Jethro,” Tony said, choosing a donut and taking a bite.

Jethro grunted his agreement as he rested his hands on Tony’s hips and urged the man into his lap.

Tony tensed momentarily but he reminded himself that he could trust Jethro and let himself relax.

“You okay?” Jethro asked quietly. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Tony answered, “definitely. This is nice.” He wiggled around slightly in an attempt to get comfortable but Jethro’s hands found his hips once again and stilled him.

“You keep doing that and you’re gonna wake someone else up,” Jethro told the man softly.

Tony shot a cautious glance over his shoulder but the soft smile on Jethro’s face reassured him.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah,” Tony answered.

“Good. Me too.”


	7. Consent

The cool water felt nice in contrast with the hot sun beating down on their skin. Jethro was paying much more attention to Tony floating closer and closer, wearing the skimpiest pair of skivvies he owned—‘working on his tan,’ he’d said—than to the bobber attached to his fishing line, floating in the water nearby. It was turning into another peaceful afternoon at the cabin, far away from the chaos in DC.

“It’s the wrong time of day to be fishing,” Tony pointed out. “Even I know that.”

“Yep,” Jethro agreed as he started reeling his line in so he could cast it out again. Most of his attention was still on Tony as the water moved the oblivious man closer and closer to his location. Jethro waited patiently until he could reach then casually flipped Tony off of his toy and into the water.

Tony surfaced, half choking and spewing water as he glared at Jethro in shock.

One corner of Jethro’s mouth turned up into a smirk as he watched the man. “You’re floaty thing was getting kinda close to my hook. I didn’t want it to pop.”

“My floaty thing was nowhere near your hook!” Tony said incredulously. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

Jethro’s half smirk turned into a full grin as he watched the shock on Tony’s face fade and his eyes light up in excitement.

Tony decided he was really liking this new, laidback version of Jethro. The smile on the man’s face made it impossible for Tony not to smile, his head tilted endearingly towards Jethro in an almost shy way. When the intimate moment caused a spark of fear in Tony, he high-stepped out of the water and took off towards the shed, just to have an excuse to break things up before they went any further.

“Be right back!” he called over his shoulder. Moments later he returned with more excitement and more pool toys. “Choose your weapon.”

“What’re you… I’m not fighting you with a piece of floaty foam,” Jethro said. “I’m trying to catch dinner.”

“It’s called a pool noodle,” Tony informed the man, “and there’s no way in hell you’re gonna catch any fish at this time of day so yes, you are going to fight me with the floaty foam.”

Tony goaded the man with a couple jabs and a few swings and before long Jethro couldn’t resist. He abandoned his fishing pole, snatched the second pool noodle out of Tony’s hand and started in with his own attack. After several whacks and jabs, both men abandoned the noodles and the jousting turned more physical with wrestling moves they usually saved for training day in the NCIS gym.

When Jethro tucked one arm under Tony’s arm and slipped the other between Tony’s legs and flipped him into the water, Tony came up coughing and spewing water and barely managed to yell ‘uncle’ between fits of giggles, informing Jethro that he was going to drown if they didn’t stop.

“It’d be a good excuse to give you mouth to mouth,” Jethro commented offhandedly.

“Or you could just kiss me,” Tony pointed out.

Jethro thought back to the kisses they’d shared that morning. In fact, he’d barely stopped thinking about them all day. His tongue brushed across his lips in anticipation as he leaned closer before sharing another kiss. When Tony kissed back eagerly, Jethro stepped closer and rested his hands against Tony’s hips as he brushed his tongue against Tony’s lower lip. Tony granted his lover access without hesitation, unintentionally moaning into the kiss as his need grew. His hands found Jethro’s chest and he widened his stance as the kisses became more and more eager. The two didn’t pull back until the need for air forced them apart.

Jethro brushed his fingers down the side of Tony’s face, studying the man carefully as he did. “If we don’t stop now, I’m not going to,” he admitted softly.

Tony wanted so badly to tell Jethro not to stop, to _never_ stop, but he didn’t and he wasn’t even sure why he didn’t. He was a bundle of nerves and excitement and most of his blood was populating portions of his body below his waist, not his brain where he needed it to think. He’d always thought of himself as a natural in the romance department but something was different and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.

“No witty comeback?” Jethro asked with raised eyebrows.

“I just figured that you wanted a chance to be sure being stuck alone in this isolated cabin wasn’t weakening your resolve and making you more susceptible to my irresistible charm,” Tony replied with a grin.

“That’s more like it,” Jethro said. He brushed his thumb back and forth over Tony’s cheek for a moment longer before pulling back and turning away. “C’mon, let’s get a fire going, cook some steaks for dinner. Sound good?”

“Attempting to seduce me with food? That’ll work every time!”

Jethro threw a smile over his shoulder as he stepped out of the water.

Tony glanced down at his underwear and realized he had a little problem. His clothes were on the picnic table on the patio, a decent distance from the beach and the kissing had gotten him more than a little excited. He tried to readjust himself but quickly realized the thin cotton of his skimpy underwear would be of no help, no matter what he did.

“You coming?” Jethro called.

“Uh…”

“Nothin’ to be ashamed of, Tony.”

Tony looked over towards the man and realized he’d been so busy worrying about the bulge in his own underwear that he’d almost missed the rather large tent in Jethro’s boxers. Almost. “Coming,” he said, no longer worried.

Jethro put his shorts on, covering his erection for the most part as Tony did the same next to him. He waited until they were both dressed to glance towards the man again, since Tony had been playing shy about getting out of the water. “You okay?” he asked.

“Mm-hmm,” Tony hummed confidently with a genuine smile that told Jethro he was telling the truth. “I’m not fragile, Jethro. I’m perfectly capable of doing this whole adult thing. I’ve been doing it since my mom died.”

“Okay,” Jethro agreed. There was a brief pause before he decided to venture into personal territory, _very_ personal; something he didn’t usually do freely. “Look, Tony, I hate what happened to you and I know you’re tough. You’re one of the toughest people I’ve ever met and there’s hardly a day that goes by that you don’t remind me of that, just by being around you.”

“But when you think about that video, you don’t think I’m so tough anymore,” Tony guessed.

“No, that’s not it. That’s not it at all,” Jethro said firmly. “It’s just one more thing that reminds me how strong you are. I mean, I wish I could’ve been there to protect you but, I don’t know, maybe by now I should’ve figured out that you don’t need protecting anymore.”

Tony’s face relaxed into a smile and he shrugged. “I think everybody could use some protecting sometimes.”

Jethro smiled and let himself relax too, threw his arm across Tony’s shoulders and started towards the house. Several minutes later, the two were in the kitchen, preparing their dinner and not long after that, Tony was watching from the couch as Jethro knelt in front of the fireplace, tending to the steaks.

“You lookin’ at my butt?” Jethro asked.

A grin spread across Tony’s face. “Maybe,” he admitted.

There was no response from Jethro. He just continued working on their dinner. The fact that the man appeared to be okay with it put a smile on Tony’s face as well.

Jethro finished getting the steaks seasoned and situated how he wanted them then he joined Tony on the couch, resting his arm across the back of the couch behind Tony as he made himself comfortable.Tony rested his head against the man’s arm and smiled over at him.

“Hi,” Tony whispered when he couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“Hi,” Jethro mimicked, bringing his fingers up to graze against Tony’s cheek. There was so much he wanted to do to the man but he understood the importance of treading carefully, for both their sakes.

“Are you gonna kiss me?” Tony asked.

“Do you want a kiss?”

Tony’s eyes traveled from Jethro’s eyes down to his lips as he nodded his head.

“Then why don’t you kiss me?” Jethro suggested.

Tony’s smile widened at the new development. He usually wasn’t shy about making his move. He let body language tell him everything he needed to know but this was different somehow. Still smiling from ear to ear at the man, Tony leaned closer, rested one hand on Jethro’s chest and went in for the kiss he so desperately wanted.

Jethro kissed back but let Tony maintain control. The last thing he wanted to do was dominate their relationship in any way or be the one who always took control. “I need you to do something for me, Tony,” he said softly when the kiss had ended.

“Anything.”

“Don’t make me make the first move all the time. I’m giving you permission right now to pursue me, kiss me, hug me, touch me, whatever you want. This has to be equal if it’s ever gonna work.”

“Okay,” Tony replied with a nervous nod.

“I know you’re working through a lot of stuff and I know how easy it is to get stuck in the past. I can be patient but I wanted you to know that you have my permission.”

Tony’s smile grew even bigger and he rested both hands on Jethro’s cheeks and kissed the man again.

“Mmm,” Jethro hummed as Tony pulled back, “that’s what I like.”

“I think I can handle that.”

“Good. Now, do me one more favor.”

“What?” Tony asked.

“Flip the steaks over, will ya?”

Tony hesitated, slightly confused by the particular favor but he stood and headed for the fireplace. It wasn’t until he was bent over, tending to their dinner that realization hit. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Are you staring at my ass?”

Jethro grinned when Tony figured out what he was up to. “Yup,” he answered with no apology.

“I see what you did there.”

“Turnabout’s fair play,” Jethro commented, the tone of his voice making his enjoyment of his current view abundantly clear.

“You just enjoy the view while it lasts,” Tony said, giving his ass a little wiggle before turning and heading back to the couch.

After an enjoyable dinner filled with pleasant conversation, the two cleaned up their meal then resettled on the couch, beer in hand. Conversation continued to come easy while they sipped at their beverages and dug into the caramel apple pie they’d purchased at the bakery in the local supermarket.

“What should we do tonight?” Tony asked when all the food had been eaten and the beer was gone. “I can’t imagine there’s a lot of nightlife in this place but you never know, it could surprise us.”

Jethro took Tony’s empty beer bottle and set it aside along with his own. “I was thinking of something more along the lines of staying in,” he said.

Tony watched in anxious anticipation as Jethro scooted closer, the man’s eyes making his intent clear. “And did you have something in mind?” he choked out as his heart raced in excitement.

“I might,” Jethro answered in a breathy whisper. He reached out and brushed an invisible speck off of Tony’s cheek, using the move as an excuse to get close enough to kiss Tony.

Kisses turned to licks and nibbles and soon Tony was spreading his legs again, in anticipation of his erection returning.

“Stop me if I go too fast,” Jethro whispered. He splayed one hand across Tony’s belly and pushed the man’s shirt up, tugging it over his head when Tony didn’t resist and his fingers were immediately exploring hard planes and defined muscles spattered with chest hair and a few fading bruises.

The excitement grew even faster for Tony than it had when they’d been playing in the lake earlier and he knew if he didn’t find some relief soon, excitement would turn to frustration. His mind warred between pleasure and fear of what that relief might look like to Jethro but the man’s fingers and mouth, rubbing and pinching, licking and kissing distracted Tony from the fear that he desperately wanted to get over.

He was soon grabbing at Jethro’s t-shirt, desperately trying to get it off so he could get his hands on the man’s bare flesh too. Jethro pulled away long enough to tug his shirt over his head and toss it to the side then he laid Tony down on the couch, watching carefully to make sure the man wasn’t going to start panicking on him.

“You okay?” Jethro asked quietly.

“I need… I need— stuff,” Tony panted desperately, unsure how to verbalize exactly what it was that he needed, but his rocking hips and grabby fingers made his needs perfectly clear.

“Me too,” Jethro agreed.

Tony reveled in the feel of Jethro’s weight on top of him as the man kissed him. The warmth of their bare chests pressed together added to the excitement and had Tony holding tightly to the man, never wanting the moment to end. Fingers continued to wander and mouths explored as curiosity turned to desperation.

“I need more, Jethro.”

“Me too,” Jethro agreed as a million thoughts about what ‘more’ should entail filtered through his mind.

He stood from the couch and helped Tony out of his shorts and underwear before removing his own, the desperation in his movements gone in hopes of slowing them both down. Once they were both naked, he straddled Tony, sitting back against the man’s thighs as he took in his body. Tony’s chest was heaving with the strain of his harsh breathing, the man’s hands found Jethro’s thighs in a desperate need to touch and his dick rose up off his body, oozing precum at the close proximity of Jethro’s dick.

Jethro rubbed his fingertip across the tip of Tony’s cock, a move that had Tony arching up off the couch and oozing even more. The older man used the precum as lube, wrapped his hand around both their cocks and started stroking.

Tony groaned deeply, his hips subtly jerking as excitement threatened to overwhelm him already. He fingered their cockheads, memorizing the way Jethro’s hand was working them over and how the firm grip felt as Jethro rubbed their dicks together. He reached out with his other hand in search of Jethro’s nipples before settling it firmly against the man’s skin, just below his belly button.

“I can’t hold on much longer, Tony,” Jethro warned.

Tony took the statement as a permission of sorts. His breathing deepened and his eyes refused to stay open as Jethro tugged harder and jerked faster and within seconds his writhing was accompanied by moans and groans and full body tremors as Jethro pulled his release from him while emptying himself out at the same time.

Once he’d squeezed every last drop from them, Jethro released his grip and collapsed against Tony once again. “That was incredible,” he mumbled against Tony’s shoulder.

“That _was_ incredible,” Tony agreed, his voice strained slightly under the weight of the man on top of him. “You’re comfortable,” he added a few moments later after quickly deciding he loved the feeling of Jethro stretched out on top of him.

“Mmm,” Jethro hummed in agreement, “but if we don’t go wash up, we’re both gonna be itchy and uncomfortable in a minute.”

“But I don’t wanna move yet,” Tony whined, “unless…”

“Unless?”

“Wanna take a shower together?” Tony suggested hopefully.

“It would be environmentally responsible of us to conserve water.”

“Abby would be proud,” Tony joked.

Jethro chuckled as he stood and helped Tony to his feet. He rested his hands against Tony’s cheeks while Tony’s hands sat low on his hips and both just watched each other for a moment. Jethro leaned in for a soft, gentle kiss which Tony reciprocated.

“That really was incredible,” Tony said. “I don’t want you to think I was just mimicking what you said.”

“I know,” Jethro said. “I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying to me.”

Tony grinned in response as Jethro took his hand and led him towards the bathroom.

An hour later the two were freshly showered and cuddled together on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms. Both were ignoring the movie on TV in favor of stealing more tender kisses and finding any excuse they could to touch each other.

“Where do you wanna sleep tonight?” Jethro asked. It was his way of inviting Tony to sleep with him again, hopefully without Tony feeling pressured one way or another.

Tony studied Jethro closely for a moment, trying to gage what the man wanted him to say but his face was unreadable. He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes never leaving Jethro’s. “We could both sleep in the loft,” he suggested. “The bed up there is pretty comfortable.”

The easy smile that spread across Jethro’s face helped Tony relax and gave him the boost of bravery he needed to make another suggestion. “We could head up there right now and make out a little more.”

Jethro kissed Tony a few more times before unwrapping himself from the man, standing and offering him a hand up with every intention of leading him up to the loft and doing just that.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

“I’m so sorry, Jonah,” his friend and private investigator said. “You know I’d do anything for you but I can’t find any trace of DiNozzo anywhere. I’ll keep looking, man.”

“You’ve always come through for me in the past,” Jonah replied, patting the two folders of information the investigator had managed to dig up for him against his thigh. “Keep looking. I’ve got something planned to draw him out.”

Jonah couldn’t remember the last time he’d been under so much pressure and there was one person responsible for the situation he was finding himself in.

Tony DiNozzo.

Jonah knew he couldn’t let Tony get away with betraying him. If he did that, others wouldn’t think twice about betraying him and he’d start losing control. Despite his private investigators inability to dig up any information on Tony’s location, Jonah wasn’t one to give up. The alphabet letter corresponding to the plan he was on may have been getting close to the middle of the alphabet but Jonah was far from finished.

“I’ll keep in touch, Jonah,” the private investigator said.

Jonah nodded, handed the man an envelope of cash for the information he had delivered and sent him on his way. Two hours later, as the sun dipped below the horizon, Jonah and a small group of his closest, most trusted associates pulled a nondescript sedan into the parking lot of Tony’s apartment complex and led a frightened older woman up to Tony’s sixth floor apartment.

A short time after that, Ian pulled into the same parking lot and headed into the same building. He’d been surprised to get a text message from Tony, inviting him over after so many years, especially considering what had happened at Ohio State all those years ago, but he figured he owed it to the man to show up and see what he had to say. Despite everything, Tony had never blamed Ian for what had happened but instead had always been kind to him.

Ian double checked the text message on his phone and made sure he was at the right apartment before knocking on the door.

“Tony, it’s me, Ian,” he called from the hallway. He could hear footsteps inside the apartment and then the door was unlocked and opened but it wasn’t Tony standing there greeting him, it was a face from his past that he’d never wanted to see again. “What’re you doing here, Jonah? Where’s Tony?”

Jonah’s only answer was to grab Ian by the front of the shirt and jerk him into the apartment where the others were waiting for him. Jonah kicked the door closed and locked it before forcefully dragging Ian through the living room and down the hallway to Tony’s bedroom where Judy Kirkpatrick was tied up on the bed.

“Alright, you two,” Jonah said, pulling a knife out of his pocket, “it’s time to have a little fun.”


	8. Circles

“Why?” Tony groaned dramatically. “Why does Fornell have to come over so early?”

“Early?” Jethro scoffed. “Tony, it’s ten o’clock in the morning. It’s not early.”

“But I was enjoying just laying here with you.”

“I was too,” Jethro said, “but now it’s time to get dressed.”

“I’m as dressed as I’m willing to get,” Tony muttered.

Jethro glanced down at his partner, taking the scene in. Tony’s feet were on the floor but his upper half was flat on the bed. The only thing he was dressed in were a pair of jeans that he hadn’t bothered to zip or button before flopping backwards into the warm, comfortable bed they’d shared the night before. Jethro rugged his own t-shirt over his head and straightened it out before turning his attention back to Tony.

“What’re you—”

“I’m not gonna have Tobias seeing you like this,” Jethro’s commented as he buttoned and carefully zipped Tony’s pants.

The shocked expression on Tony’s face turned to a grin as he relaxed and let Jethro dress him.  The man wrestled socks onto his feet before offering him a hand and tugging him to a standing position.

Jethro found Tony’s belt and started feeding it through the loops in his jeans while Tony watched in amusement and let the man continue to do whatever he was going to do.

The simple act of dressing Tony turned frisky and playful when Jethro started tucking Tony’s shirt in and decided to grab at him a couple times but a knock on the door interrupted them before they could get very far.

The two headed down from the loft and opened the door to find Fornell on the other side.

“Morning, guys,” Fornell greeted, everything about his tone telling the two NCIS agents that he’d had a long night.

“Tobias,” Jethro greeted. The playfulness was replaced by a heavy mood and an uneasy feeling in his gut.

“Offer me some coffee,” Fornell grumbled.

“We’ll have to make some,” Jethro said, stepping aside to let the man in.

“It’s after ten and you guys haven’t made coffee yet?” Fornell asked but he was too tired to really think about the connotations of the revelation, especially with Jethro quickly changing the subject.

“So why the middle of the week visit?” Jethro asked. “Seems like you were just here.”

Fornell looked at Tony warily, unsure about how fragile the man was or if he’d be able to handle the news he was getting ready to share but he knew Tony wouldn’t willingly leave and he doubted Jethro would make him so all he could do was proceed with caution. “DC Metro got a call from Mrs. Mackenerny last night. Her son, Ian, left that afternoon to meet Tony at his apartment.”

“I wasn’t at my apartment last night,” Tony said, not quite catching on yet.

“Somebody was,” Fornell replied, “because when Metro showed up to do a welfare check, they found Ian dead in your bedroom.”

“What?” Tony asked, horrified at the revelation. “I don’t understand.”

“O’Dell?” Jethro asked.

“We have no proof but it had to be,” Fornell answered. He glanced at Tony, trying to judge how the man was handling the news before continuing. “There’s more,” he said. “O’Dell’s neighbor, the one who’d agreed to help us bring him down, she was there too.”

“Dead?” Jethro asked even though he already knew the answer.

Fornell nodded. “And they weren’t just murdered, they was viciously stabbed over and over again. This was a very personal, very brutal killing.”

Tony hurried from the kitchen towards the bathroom, afraid he might throw up. When Jethro tried to follow him, Fornell grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“I think Ian was killed because O’Dell couldn’t get his hands on Tony, Jethro,” Fornell said quietly. “He might’ve been stabbing Ian but in his mind, he was murdering Tony and he left the body in Tony’s apartment for a reason. O’Dell’s sending a message. He just upped the game.”

“I agree,” Jethro replied with a nod. “What’s the plan?”

“We need to move you guys,” Fornell answered, “get you into a more secure safe house.”

Jethro nodded and both men looked up when Tony re-entered the kitchen, wiping his mouth. Jethro filled a glass with water and handed it to Tony. “You okay?” he asked.

“Mm-hmm,” Tony hummed, accepting the glass gratefully and taking a sip. “False alarm.”

“’kay.”

“You guys pack your bags,” Fornell said, “head into town and we’ll get you set up somewhere safer. Do you want me to send a protection detail your way?”

“No,” Jethro answered, “we’ll be okay. Give us about an hour to get packed and get outta here.”

“Sure. Call if you have any problems.”

Jethro walked Fornell to the door then returned to the kitchen where Tony sitting on the countertop, finishing off the small glass of water in his hand. The look on his face told Jethro he was deep in thought, which came as no surprise to the man.

Jethro gave Tony an assessing look, waiting for the man to acknowledge his presence. When Tony finally relaxed under Jethro’s gaze, Jethro stepped closer, leaning lightly against the counter between Tony’s legs. He rested his hands on Tony’s shoulders and his forehead against Tony’s. He stayed like that for a moment, letting Tony process and trying to figure out where the man’s head was at then he pressed a long, hard, almost desperate kiss to the man’s forehead.

“You know this isn’t your fault, Tony.”

“And you know I can’t help but feel like it is,” Tony replied.

“Uh-huh. You okay?”

“I’m trying to be.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Tony smiled and made eye contact with Jethro for the first time since Fornell had left. “You’re doing it.”

“Good,” Jethro said, smiling back at Tony as he rubbed his thumb lovingly across the man’s cheek.

Tony wrapped his legs around Jethro’s body, trapping him there when the man tried to move away. Jethro continued studying him, watching as the relaxed expression turned, almost immediately, back to one that was definitely more troubled.

“What’s wrong? Why do you look so troubled?”

“I’m not ready to go back,” Tony admitted quietly.

“Why not?” Jethro asked with a patient curiousness.

“Because it’s just us out here and I feel safe not because of Jonah but… well, because of other things I guess.”

Jethro studied Tony for a hard minute, doing his best to read between the lines and decipher what his friend was trying to tell him. “Is this because of what we’ve been doing?”

“Well, I don’t want that to stop either. We just got started and I’m not nearly finished with you.” The playful smirk did nothing to hide the fierce commitment of the statement.

“Is this because of your interest in guys?”

Tony shrugged and Jethro knew he’d nailed it.

“Tony, you don’t have to come out to anybody if you don’t want to. Nobody’s going to know what happened here but us.”

“Do the others know I had a panic attack at NCIS?”

“I don’t think so,” Jethro said. “I didn’t tell anyone and I doubt Ducky did.”

“If I don’t come out to them though, will I start having panic attacks again?”

“I don’t think so,” Jethro answered. “I think the important thing for you was to come out to yourself. You can’t hide something like that and just expect to live a normal life. It’s gonna have an effect on you. It’s gonna make itself known in one way or another.”

“So I noticed.”

“We’re just moving to another safe house, Tony,” Jethro told him. “One we’ll be even more stuck at, I’m sure. If O’Dell got to a witness in a safe house, we’re not gonna be able to come and go.”

“I know but I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone’s at FBI Headquarters waiting to see us.”

“Well, Tony, you certainly don’t have to walk into the room and out yourself before saying hello. In fact, I’d advise against that.”

Jethro’s playful, teasing tone put a genuine smile on Tony’s face. “Thanks, Jethro. I feel better now, really.”

“Good,” Jethro replied before leaning in for a quick kiss. “We can talk about it more later, if you need to.”

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Neither Jethro nor Tony were surprised to find not only Tim and Ziva waiting for them at FBI headquarters but also Abby, Ducky and Jimmy. Abby didn’t know who to hug first and didn’t want to let either Jethro or Tony go once she had her arms around them but Fornell’s sudden presence in the conference room forced her to do just that.

“Sorry, Abs,” Fornell said, “but I gotta take ‘em away from you for a minute.”

Abby pouted, squeezing her loved ones even tighter but after Jethro pressed a kiss to her forehead, she reluctantly released both of them.

“I’ll bring ‘em back to you, Abs,” Fornell promised.

As they followed Fornell down the hall to another conference room, the seriousness of the situation started to set in for Tony. If they weren’t keeping everything so under wraps, they could’ve had whatever conversation they were going to have in the first conference room, in front of everyone. Fornell trusted Gibbs with his life and he’d been around the team enough to know they were trustworthy as well. The fact that they were headed to yet another, very private room spoke volumes about how the case was unfolding and it wasn’t good.

“The longer this goes on, the more dangerous O’Dell gets,” Fornell said, once they were behind closed doors. “He was making a statement when he murdered Ian and Judy Kirkpatrick in you apartment, DiNozzo. You’re a target and this guy is no ordinary criminal. He means business.”

“Trust me,” Tony replied solemnly, “I know.” Muscle memory had him touching his fading black eye with one hand and wrapping the other around his midsection.

“How’s O’Dell getting his information?” Jethro asked. “How’s he finding these witnesses? How is he managing to stay one step ahead of us?” He favored his friend with a hard look and lowered his voice, trying to come across as unthreateningly as possible. “Could the leak be somewhere in your department?”

“This is a fairly small taskforce and we’ve all been working together for months. I trust them, Jethro,” Fornell declared passionately. “Even more than that, only a handful of people knew where we we’re putting our witness, people I’ve worked with for years.”

“Did Slacks know?” Tony snarked. Jethro’s firm hand skimming the back of his head wasn’t totally unexpected.

“Why don’t you go find Abs, McGee and Ziva?” Jethro suggested.

“Without you?” Tony asked, somewhat surprised.

“You need me to hold your hand?”

“Well, no. It’s just, I mean, what if they know?”

“They don’t know anything you haven’t told them,” Jethro said reassuringly. “Go on, you’ll be okay.”

The two men watched Tony leave then Fornell lowered his voice even more and continued their conversation. “That’d be like me asking if someone of your team was a mole, Jethro. The leak isn’t coming from the FBI. I’d stake my career on it.”

Jethro mulled over his friend’s words before nodding. He knew how well he knew his team and how much he trusted them so he understood and believed what Fornell was saying.

“This is really bad, Jethro,” Fornell said. “I don’t know how long we’re gonna have to leave Tony under. Every time we get close to O’Dell, he has our link to him killed.” The FBI agent looked around the room almost as if he thought there might be a bug in there or some sort of device spying on their conversation. He continued, quieting his voice even more. “Jethro, I don’t fucking know how he knows who’s turning on him or how he’s finding them or anything. I don’t know how to keep these people safe. I don’t know how I can expect people to come forward when every other informant has been killed.” The man looked up at his friend desperately and rested a firm hand against the man’s chest, his eyes wide with a mixture of panic, fear and brutal honesty. “I don’t know if I can keep Tony safe,” he whispered.

Jethro rubbed at his temples, realizing for the first time how bad—how dangerous things were. The situation was completely out of control and law enforcement didn’t even almost have a handle on it.  “Don’t worry about Tony, Tobias. Leave him to me. You get O’Dell. Do whatever it takes.”

Fornell breathed a tiny sigh of relief, not wanting to be responsible for another loss in his closest friend’s life. “Where are you taking Tony?”

“I’m not telling you that. All I need is a burn phone and a copy of all your files on O’Dell.”

Fornell hesitated briefly, his initial instinct being to keep the files to himself but he quickly remembered he could trust Jethro. “I shouldn’t give ‘em to you,” he half teased before the playfulness in his expression was replaced by seriousness. “I’ll give you a copy on one condition, Jethro.”

Jethro raised his eyebrows in question.

“You promise me that you won’t go after O’Dell on your own. I don’t want that on your conscious and more than that, I don’t want you in jail. This is a high profile case. No sweeping any part of it under the rug.”

“I promise, Tobias,” Jethro muttered. “I wasn’t planning on going after anyone on my own. You clearly need help closing this case and I have a little extra time on my hands.”

“Oh,” Fornell said, “okay. I just know how you get when somebody comes after one of your own, especially when that someone is Tony.”

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

“I’m back!” Tony announced dramatically as he threw the door to the conference room open and entered.

“Tony!” Abby squealed, throwing herself at him again.  She tensed briefly and pulled back to look him in the eyes. “Wait, did they kick you out of their meeting?”

“Nah,” Tony replied, downplaying the situation, “just lead agent talk or something.” He looked around the group and realized they were skeptical of his dramatics. “Or maybe they kicked me out because I started talking trash about Agent Sacks.”

“That’s more like it,” Tim teased, winking at Tony to make sure the man knew he was just joking with him. “So how is it? What’s it like being in a safe house with Gibbs?”

“It’s actually different than you would think,” Tony admitted.

“Different how?” Abby asked.

Tony shrugged, half wishing the conversation had taken a different turn but if he’d been in his partners’ shoes, he would’ve been curious about their time alone in a one room cabin with Gibbs too. “I don’t know,” he said. “He’s not all growly and down to business all the time. He’s fun when he relaxes and... different. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“That’s so sweet,” Abby cooed.

The door opened again and Jethro appeared, followed by Fornell who simply leaned against the door frame behind his friend.

“Grab your things, Tony,” Jethro said, “we’re leaving.”

“Already?” Ducky asked.

“Sorry, Duck,” Jethro said, genuinely apologetically.

“Go,” Ducky replied with a knowing smile, “work your case. We understand.”  He knew once Jethro got his teeth in a case, the man was like a dog with a bone and he didn’t like to be interrupted or distracted.

Jethro and Tony said their goodbyes to the group then set out in the middle of a caravan of other similar vehicles. As they continued through the city, the vehicles turned off one by one until only the vehicle Jethro and Tony were in, a different vehicle than they’d arrived in, was left. Jethro continued driving, even after the other cars had turned away, partially to make sure no one was following them and partially using the time to think.

Tony remained uncharacteristically quiet in the passenger seat, also deep in thought. After so much silence and thinking, he realized he’d been thinking himself in circles and he started wondering what he was even thinking about.

“What’s going on?” Tony asked cautiously. “Where are we going? Why are we driving in circles?”

“I don’t know,” Jethro answered.

Tony waited for more and when Jethro remained silent, he started to get a little upset with the man. “Don’t protect me, Jethro,” he said. “I’m still an agent. Please, don’t shut me out. Please.”

Jethro looked over at Tony and clearly saw the hurt in the man’s eyes. “That wasn’t my intention, Tony, but you’re right and I’m sorry. I’m just trying to think through everything and figure out what’s going on.”

“Hmm. If only there was someone around that you could bounce ideas off of,” Tony joked, “someone with experience, someone sitting right next to you, perhaps?”

Jethro tried not to smile but he couldn’t help it. “It’s bad, Tony,” he admitted, growing serious again. “Everybody who could bring O’Dell down, ends up dead which is making people who are already reluctant to come forward even more reluctant.”

“You can get him for blackmailing a federal agent,” Tony suggested. “He tried to bribe me and I can testify to that.”

“He’d be out and right back at it in no time at all. We need to put him away for good.”

“That makes sense. What’s the plan?”

“I don’t know yet,” Jethro answered. “I thought someone else might have an idea, someone with experience, someone sitting right next to me, perhaps?”

“I see what you did there,” Tony said with a laugh. “Give me a minute to think about it. I’ll come up with something. And is there any chance we can get out of this car? I’m starting to feel sick.”

“Anything else?” Jethro asked with a grin and raised eyebrows.

Tony returned the smile, enjoying the light banter and teasing. “Maybe some Chinese takeout. It’s hard to save the world on an empty stomach.”


	9. Breaking Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I (obviously) stole the title of this chapter from a TV series.

The Chinese food sitting on the bed amidst scattered paperwork, pens and highlighters in front of Jethro and Tony was starting to grow cold as both men focused their attention elsewhere. The two highlighted and wrote notes in margins, underlined and circled key phrases and sections as they poured over the FBI's case. Jethro paused long enough to grab one of the takeout cartons, entwine a mouthful of lo mein noodles on the chopsticks and take a bite before passing the carton over to Tony.

"Eat," he told Tony around a mouthful of food.

The order broke Tony from his trance and he took a few bites, struggling to get the noodles onto the chopsticks before giving up, setting the carton aside and refocusing on the paperwork in front of him. He couldn't help but feel like he was onto something big and he didn't want to be interrupted by anything, not even food.

Not long later, Tony's posture stiffened for a brief moment and then he grabbed Jethro's hand excitedly, stopping the man from highlighting the report laying in front of him. After looking at the documents for a moment longer, Tony started frantically rearranging the papers then sat back and looked them over one more time.

"What do you see?" Jethro asked.

"Drug charges, bribery, murder," Tony said, pointing at the corresponding documents in front of them. He looked over at Jethro, his eyes full of hope. "The FBI could bring a RICO case against Jonah."

Jethro glanced at the documents then grabbed the laptop Fornell had given them and passed it to Tony. "Pull up the law," he said. "Let's look at it."

Tony quickly pulled up the law and skimmed it until he got to the part that would be useful to them then he started reading out loud. "The RICO Act allows leaders of a syndicate, Jonah, to be tried for crimes which they ordered, closing a perceived loophole that allows a person who instructed someone else to commit a crime from standing trial because they, themselves, didn't actually commit the crime. So it basically gives us a way to put away all these punks who think they can order everyone else to do their dirty work while they get off scot-free."

"But we'd still need to get one of his cronies in custody and convince them to turn on him," Jethro pointed out, "and we'd need that person to survive being in custody, which has been an ongoing problem."

"Okay, but what if we—err, the FBI conducts a massive sting and arrests his entire organization," Tony said. "We'd cripple 'em and while we have everybody in custody we can offer deals and I'm sure we'd find at least one person to turn on him. While that's happening, all Jonah's associates are locked up which would, in theory, keep everyone safe. I really think we could pull this off, Jethro." He paused and looked over at the man with an almost desperate expression on his face. "I think this might be our best bet. What else is there?"

Jethro held eye contact with Tony while he considered the suggestion. "It'll be tricky," he said, "but I agree, I think it could work. I'll get Fornell over here."

Tony listened eagerly as Jethro talked to Fornell on the phone. Things were finally falling into place for them, at least he hoped, but judging by the one side of the conversation he could hear, it sounded promising.

"We should celebrate," Tony said excitedly after Jethro had hung up the phone.

"Slow down," Jethro said. "I'm gonna ask you a question and I want to truth."  He felt like they both needed a truthful answer as their relationship continued to grow.

"I know better than to lie to you, Boss," Tony said, shrugging the idea of a lie off instantly.

"You have in the past," Jethro reminded the man, "and you're gonna be tempted to again. Resist."

Tony swallowed hard and nodded nervously.

"How are you?" Jethro asked.

Tony visibly relaxed and even giggled at the question but before he could open his mouth, Jethro cut him off.

“Resist,” he reminded Tony.

The giggles faded along with Tony’s smile and it became evident to Jethro that his partner was thinking hard and really considering his answer to the simple question.

“I’m better than okay,” Tony finally said. “I’ve faced who I am. I’ve admitted who I am. I’ve come to terms with who I am and I’m maybe a little surprised to confess that I’m not ashamed of who I am, at least not anymore. I was pretty sure after what happened in college that I’d never get farther than curiosity and I’m horrified that you had to see that but I think I’ve gotten over that hump and I really can’t think of anyone else I’d want to experience this with.”

Jethro smiled at Tony’s honest assessment of himself. “Don’t be horrified,” he told the man.

“You’d be horrified too,” Tony pointed out.

“I would, but I’m not judging you because of it and I don’t want you to feel awkward or ashamed.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

Jethro nodded at the man as he began gathering and stacking the paperwork strewn across the bed. “What do you say we dig into this chow?”

Tony’s grin reappeared, as bright as ever. “You already know the way to my heart.”

Case files were replaced with cartons of now cold Chinese takeout but neither man cared about the temperature of their food. It was late and they'd eaten very little that day so cold or not the food tasted good.

"We should play a game while we eat," Tony suggested as his struggle with the chopsticks continued.

Jethro watched the man for a moment before digging a fork out of the bag their meal had come in and handing it to Tony. "A game? What kind of game?"

"Twenty Questions," Tony suggested.

Jethro smiled at Tony's chosen method for satisfying his curiosity. "Okay," he agreed, "you go first."

"Ever settle for a fast fuck with a friend to take the edge off?"

Jethro nearly choked on the mouthful of General's chicken he'd just swallowed. He hadn't been expecting Tony to start with a question like that. "No," he answered, "I usually require a little more than that before I hop in bed with someone, especially a friend."

"So you're not a friends with benefits kind of guy? Hashtag: asking for a friend."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Tony said. "It's a Twitter thing, hashtags and asking for a friend basically means you're too ashamed to admit that you're asking for yourself."

"If you wanna ask me something, Tony, just ask."

Tony took another large bite of his food, buying himself a little time before swallowing and looking up at Jethro. "Do you like me?" he asked nervously.

"What kind of a question is that?"

Tony shrugged insecurely, making Jethro feel bad. He'd been so surprised by Tony's question that he hadn't asked his with very much consideration for the man's feelings or current situation.

"Tony, I don't know if you've noticed but I don't open up to just anybody like this. Yeah, I like you. Why? Is something going on?"

Tony shrugged again but seemed to have relaxed slightly. "I like you too," he admitted, "and I trust you."

"Okay," Jethro said, drawing out the word. He knew there was more but he wasn't sure if Tony would let him in on what it was.

"I think that... I think, maybe, I might wanna do more," Tony said cautiously.

It took a moment but Jethro's eyes widened as realization hit. "Um, well, there can't be any maybe about it, T. We can always stop if we need to but you have to be sure this is what you want before we take that step."

Tony breathed an audible sigh of relief. "I'm sure," he said confidently. "I just didn't know how you'd react and I didn’t want to come across too eager."

“Eagerness can be a good thing, especially when it comes to letting someone know you’re interested.”

“But it makes you vulnerable.”

Jethro nodded and took another bite of his dinner as he contemplated a confession of his own. "I have something to tell you too, Tony."

Tony looked over at the man in surprise. "What?"

Jethro hesitated briefly before answering. "I've never done anything like this before either."

A smile spread across Tony’s face and he felt even more at ease but he wasn't sure how to respond. "We could figure it out together," he suggested.

Jethro's eyes raked over Tony's body, not making any secret over the fact that he was checking Tony out. Tony grinned proudly, thrilled at the other man's blatant interest, and even let his body begin to react but before things could go any further, the moment was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Jethro let his eyes travel over Tony’s body one more time before standing from the bed. “That’s Fornell,” he said. “I’ll let him in. Why don't you go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on yourself."

Jethro opened the door and invited Fornell in, excusing their mess and offering the FBI agent a seat while he waited for Tony to finish up in the bathroom. It had been Tony's revelation to bring a RICO case against Jonah and Jethro wanted him to have the privilege of presenting the idea to Fornell.

The Tony that reappeared from the bathroom looked nothing like the Tony that had gone in there right after the knock at the door. He looked distracted and incredibly uncomfortable.

“You alright, Tony?” Jethro asked.

"Yeah," Tony answered uncomfortably, "just a little... uh, cold."

A knowing smirk spread across Jethro's face and he rolled his eyes as he tossed Tony a blanket.

"Am I missing something?" Fornell asked.

"I don't know," Jethro said, thoroughly amused. "Tony?"

"Well, I was thinking," Tony replied, refocusing everyone’s attention on the case rather than his suffering, "we can bring a RICO case against Jonah, get him that way."

Tony laid out the key pieces of information he’d found in the case files they’d been given and explained his reasoning to the FBI agent, leading to some back and forth. Fornell played Devil’s advocate until they had all the details of the case worked out and the man agreed that it just might work. After promising to present the idea to his superiors, Fornell made his exit, leaving Jethro and Tony alone once again.

Jethro showed Fornell out and locked the door behind him before flopping down on the couch next to Tony. The silence in the room was soon interrupted by a deep, jovial chuckle coming from Jethro's side of the couch.

"What?" Tony asked. "What're you laughing at?"

"Cold?" Jethro asked, thinking about the look on Tony's face when he'd stepped out of the bathroom shortly after Fornell's arrival. "I'm afraid to ask..."

"You told me to go splash some cold water on myself," Tony interrupted defensively.

Jethro was thoroughly and utterly amused. "On your face! Not in your pants. Shit, Tony, wasn't that uncomfortable?"

"Well, yeah," Tony admitted, "but I was kinda in a pinch. I didn't have time to wait around while my dick got itself under control. You get me _really_ excited."

Jethro's deep belly laugh brought a smile to Tony's face. "Well, have you warmed up yet?"

"I dunno," Tony said with a devious grin. "Is that something you might wanna help me with?"

"I might be able to help you with that."

Jethro wrapped his arm around Tony and tugged him even closer. Tony willingly melted in the embrace and rested his head on Jethro’s shoulder with his face turned up towards the man. Jethro took in the adoring expression on Tony's face for a moment before leaning closer and pressing his lips to Tony's, letting tentative kisses turn more and more passionate.

As the kissing continued, Tony's shirt was pushed up and tugged over his head. Jethro's fingers dragged across Tony's nipples and his lips explored other parts of Tony's body. Moans changed to whimpers as Jethro's lips traveled down Tony's neck and Jethro found himself enjoying the different noises and reactions he could pull from Tony.

Collarbones were kissed, nipples sucked on and teeth skimmed across the sensitive skin of Tony's abdomen. Jethro enjoyed the opportunity to taste and explore and learn his new lover’s body while Tony simply tried to remember to breathe as the different sensations threatened to overwhelm him.

After Jethro had kissed Tony’s belly button, while the man’s tongue was traveling down the trail of hairs that disappeared into his pants, Tony reached down and squeezed himself.

"You know where my mouth's going next, don't ya?" Jethro asked as he moved Tony's hand out of the way.

"I don't know if I can handle that," Tony groaned.

"Well, we're about to find out, aren't we?" Jethro started undoing the front of Tony's pants then paused. "I mean, you did want me to help you warm up, didn't you?" he teased.

"If you're offering," Tony replied, still in disbelief about what was getting ready to happen.

Jethro finished opening Tony's pants, freed his cock and wrapped his long fingers around it. He pumped and stroked, slow and steady despite Tony squirming and wiggling under his touch. He waited until there was a little pool of precum on the tip of Tony's cock before licking across it and then wrapping his lips around it and attempting to suck more out as Tony's dick pulsed and throbbed.

Tony alternated between watching intently and throwing his head back and closing his eyes, unsure if he could handle watching. The desire to cum was already strong but he didn’t want it to be over either. He slouched down on the couch and couldn't help but rock his hips as Jethro got the hang of what he was doing and his movements became more confident.

"Holy shit, Jethro," Tony moaned, spreading his legs as his cock strained in Jethro's mouth.

Jethro pulled off and started stroking Tony's dick again while nuzzling the man's balls and gently sucking them into his mouth and rolling them around on his tongue, one at a time.

Tony's toes curled as the pleasure grew even more. He fisted his hands into the couch, grasping for any semblance of control as Jethro's mouth traveled back to his cock. "I'm not gonna last, Jethro."

Jethro responded by sucking even harder and pumping even faster and in a matter of seconds, Tony's entire body was stiffening and then relaxing as he cried out in undeniable pleasure. Jethro swallowed as much as he could and wiped what was left away with the blanket he'd teasingly tossed at the man during Fornell's visit while Tony sat completely boneless on the couch, trying to recover. The anxiety about his sexual orientation was continuing to ease despite the many new experiences that laid ahead. He knew he was safe with Jethro, safe to be curious and explore, to touch and kiss and do whatever they decided together that they wanted to do.

After tossing the blanket aside, Jethro relaxed against the couch and touched Tony's cheek to get the man's attention. "Hey," he said quietly, unsure where Tony's head was at, "there's no pressure here."

"I know," Tony said with a smile.

Jethro brushed his thumb across Tony's cheek, watching the man carefully before speaking again. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"Nothing," Tony answered with a dismissive shake of his head. "I'm just overthinking stuff."

"What?" Jethro probed. "Tell me."

"Just... I don't know. I feel like I've been here before and it didn't go very well. I know I can trust you though and this is all exciting and fun and I don't want what happened before to get in the way of that." He hated that he was so apprehensive and that the memories of his past kept flooding his mind.

Jethro considered Tony's statement carefully before responding. "I can't promise you it won't. All we can do is take it one day at a time, one experience at a time and go from there. I just need to know you'll tell me if something starts bothering you or getting to you, no matter what it is or what we're doing. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes," Tony answered honestly, "I promise."

"Then we'll be just fine." Jethro patted Tony's leg affectionately, hoping to take the pressure off. He didn't want the man to feel like he had to return the favor and he didn't want him feeling any shame over not being ready to take that step. "Why don't we watch a movie? You pick."

Not long later, both men had changed into a pair of sweatpants and were settled back on the couch in front of the TV. Tony flipped channels until he found an old western then he settled in next to Jethro but his attention was far from the movie playing on TV and he couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from Jethro's crotch as his imagination went wild over what might be hiding beneath the comfortable fabric. The more he stared, the more his imagination went wild and the more his imagination worked, the more he realized he had to have the man until the need became overwhelming and Tony couldn't stop himself from reaching out and resting a hand in Jethro's lap, rubbing and squeezing when the man didn't push him away.

"Tony," Jethro whispered, resting his hand on top of Tony's and stilling him, "I meant it when I said there's no pressure."

"I know," Tony said. "I want to. Like, _really_ want to. Please?"

Jethro released Tony's hand and made himself comfortable. "I'm certainly not gonna make you beg," he paused and grinned evilly, "at least not for that."

"I should probably be intimidated but I honestly can't wait to find out what that means."

Jethro waggled his eyebrows at Tony who smiled back at him before resuming what he was doing. It was Tony's first time actually handling Jethro and really getting a feel for the man.

Jethro relaxed, giving complete control over to Tony and simply enjoying the attention. He watched as Tony moved his sweatpants out of the way, freeing his erection and was surprised when Tony rested his head in his lap after only a few strokes and started licking his lips. Suddenly, he didn't feel at all prepared for what was coming but Tony opened his mouth without hesitation and guided his dick into his hot, welcoming mouth.

"Fuck, Tony," Jethro growled when the man immediately started sucking. He brushed his fingers over Tony's bobbing Adam's apple and up to his cheek. He could feel his dick rubbing against Tony's cheek which excited him even more and made it difficult not to take control and start thrusting into Tony's mouth. The velvety warmth of Tony's mouth surrounding him mixed with tight suction and unsure movements up and down his shaft were somehow unlike any blow job he'd ever received before. He fought hard against the urge to begin thrusting, knowing it would all be over too soon anyways and simply let Tony do whatever he was going to do.

"If you don't want a mouthful, Tony, pull off now," he warned the man.

Instead of pulling off, Tony took the man deeper and tightened his grip on Jethro’s shaft, stroking hard and fast until Jethro couldn't hold off any longer and exploded into Tony's mouth with a long, deep groan of satisfaction. He lovingly stroked his fingers through Tony's hair while Tony licked and mouthed him to his heart's content.

"That was nice, Tony," Jethro praised.  "Really nice."

Tony wasn't sure how to respond to the compliment so instead he continued slowly stroking Jethro's shaft until the man rested a hand on top of his and stilled him.

"Starting to get a little sensitive," Jethro explained.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

Jethro tucked himself back into his sweatpants then wrapped his arm around Tony's shoulders and tugged him closer. Tony rested his head on Jethro's shoulder, exhausted from a long day followed by a late night of studying case files. Thoroughly satisfied with everything that had happened, he finally felt like he could truly relax.

Jethro rested his head on top of Tony's and kneaded his shoulder affectionately. He was also tired but unwilling to say goodnight to Tony yet. Maybe he'd be ready when the movie was over. Maybe...


	10. Edge of Insanity

Jethro moved through the hotel room on autopilot, his eyes barely open. He made coffee and emptied his bladder before turning on the morning news. Fresh cup of coffee in hand, he settled back in bed next to his still sleeping partner to watch the news. He rarely ever watched the news. He usually got all he could handle at work but he was hopeful to see a story about Jonah O’Dell with the man being paraded around in handcuffs. He wasn’t surprised in the least when the drug lord’s name wasn’t even mentioned. Operations to take down entire drug empires didn’t get planned overnight.

Tony started to stir in the bed next to him as the smell of fresh coffee filled his senses. The younger man all but fell out of bed and shuffled over to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup before resettling next to Jethro. He propped himself up against the man and stared blankly through the TV, still more asleep than awake.

Jethro grinned over at the man and leaned in to kiss him. He loved the just awakened version of Tony, before the man had time to slip into one of the many personas that he used to protect himself from the world.

“Anything interesting happening?” Tony mumbled before taking a cautious sip of his hot drink.

“Nah. I was hoping to see something about O’Dell being arrested but it’s too soon.”

Tony chuckled then, doing his best impression of the man sitting next to him, asked, "do ya think?"

Jethro playfully tapped the back of Tony's head, the news long forgotten.

The two remained relaxed in the bed with the fluffy, comfortable pillows and the luxury linens, sipping their coffee as they woke from a night of not very much sleep. By the time their coffee cups were empty, the two had taunted and teased each other to the point of being ready to have some dirty fun in the shower before getting themselves cleaned up. After being forced out by the cold water, both men stepped out of the bathroom in the fluffy, white robes the hotel provided to find a table full of groceries and Fornell sitting on the couch watching the TV which they’d left on.

“How’d you get in here?” Jethro asked.

“The girl at the front desk gave me a keycard after you two wouldn’t answer the door,” Fornell replied. “I was worried.”

“I locked the chain lock,” Jethro pointed out.

“Oh please,” Fornell scoffed, “all it takes to bypass that is a rubber band, a piece of tape and thirty seconds.”

Jethro eyeballed his friend for a moment longer before rubbing the towel in his hand over his still wet hair. “How long have you been here?”

A knowing grin spread across the FBI agent’s face. “For my own personal safety, I’m gonna plead the fifth.”

“That long, huh?” Tony asked, unsure how he felt about being outed.

“It’s none of my business,” Fornell replied. “I just wanted to tell you guys the director’s looking at the possibility of bringing a RICO case against O’Dell and I brought the groceries I promised. I think I got everything on your list. You’re not planning on cooking those steaks over a live fire, are you? Maybe you could use the stove or oven like a normal human being.”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Jethro taunted.

Fornell grinned, the humor a welcome break in the midst of a long, tense situation.

“Honest assessment, Tobias,” Jethro prompted, “is your director gonna go for a RICO case or should we be focusing our time and energy on finding another way to bring O’Dell down?”

“It looks promising but red tape and all. It’s gonna take time. Thanks to Tony I think we’re finally on the right track though.”

“We’re making progress,” Jethro concluded happily.

Fornell nodded in agreement. “I’d love to stay and chat but I actually get to go home long enough to take a shower for the first time in I can’t even remember how long. I’m gonna head out before something comes up and my window of opportunity closes.”

"Enjoy," Jethro said.

"Lemme know if you guys need anything else," Fornell called over his shoulder before heading out the door.

Jethro waited until the door was closed before looking over at Tony and trying to gage his reaction to what had just happened. "You okay?" Shame had caused a lot of paranoia about his secret being discovered.

"I think so," Tony answered, still processing what had happened. "I think I'm okay. It's not a big deal, right?"

"Not a big deal," Jethro confirmed, watching Tony carefully.

Tony started going through the bags Fornell had dropped off, putting refrigerated items in the small fridge and other things in the cupboard. “Fornell won’t tell anybody, right?”

“No,” Jethro answered. He watched as Tony continued putting groceries away for a moment longer before interrupting the man by grabbing his hand and leading him over to the couch. “Sit down for a second. Talk to me.”

“About what?” Tony asked nervously, dropping back onto the couch.

Jethro settled in next to him, dragging one knee up onto the couch and angling his body so that he was facing Tony. “Don’t read anything into this question, Tony, but have you ever thought about why you’re nervous about your interest in men getting out?”

“I don’t know,” Tony answered, drawing back defensively. “What does that have to do with anything? Do you want everybody to know?”

“I don’t know,” Jethro answered patiently. “I haven’t thought about it. It seems to be something that’s bothering you, though, and I figured if you talked about it, it might give you a little peace of mind. I’m not asking you to feel one way or another or trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t wanna do. I’m asking you to give a voice to your fears. Take away that power that the fear has over you.”

The defensive posture Tony had taken up slowly opened up as he considered Jethro’s words. He hated that he’d immediately gotten defensive. He trusted Jethro and he knew he didn’t need to shut the man out, so why was he? A heavy sigh preceded his confession. “Jonah threatened to out me to every law enforcement agency on the east coast,” he admitted. “I thought my career as a cop was over and I guess a part of me is still trying to protect that.”

“You don’t need to protect that from me, Tony,” Jethro told the man.

“I know,” Tony said quietly. “I just have to stop letting panic win and remember who I can trust.”

Jethro reached out and played with the hairs just above Tony’s ear as the man continued to process and think through the situation.

“Are you being nice to me because of everything that’s happened?” Tony asked.

“I’m always nice to you!” Jethro scoffed.

"Unless you're growling at me or slapping the back of my head," Tony joked.

"You like it when I slap the back of your head and you wouldn't know what to do if I didn't growl at you every once in a while," Jethro told the man. The boyish grin spreading across Tony's face told Jethro he was right but grin or no grin, he already knew that.

"Hey, Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think," he hesitated, trying to figure out if he could handle the answer or not before continuing, "do you think I'd never work again if people knew I was interested in men?"

Jethro tilted his head in consideration. "I think that's a pretty extreme outcome," he started, "to _never_ work again. I think people, especially your friends, are a lot more understanding than you might think."

"So it might not be as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be?"

"I don't think it would," Jethro answered, "but I don't think it's a decision to be made impulsively. I think it needs to be thought through carefully, like any other decision."

Tony was quiet for a moment. He scooted closer to Jethro and rested his head on the man's shoulder as he thought about their conversation. "Jethro, will you maybe help me make that decision when the time comes?"

"Sure," Jethro answered, combing his fingers through Tony's hair. "We can talk about whatever you need to talk about."

Tony nestled in deeper, melting into the warm embrace. "We can talk about stuff you need to talk about too, you know."

Jethro grinned, caught slightly off guard by Tony's statement. "Thank you, Tony," he said after kissing the man's temple. He knew Tony wouldn't hesitate to pry into the part of himself he kept closed off and force him to share the things that needed to be shared in order for a relationship of any kind to work. "I really mean that."

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Each passing day grew longer and longer as Jethro and Tony sat in their hotel room. It was too risky to leave the room and nothing inside was holding their interest. They quickly gave up on the handful of cold cases that had been sent over to keep them occupied. With no way to interview witnesses and suspects or even get a peek at the evidence, it just reminded them how stuck they were. They could only watch so much TV and drink so much coffee. Both were on the edge of insanity.

With the days growing longer, the walls in their five hundred square foot room started closing in. Frustrations mounted and moodiness set in. Unresolved passion started manifesting itself in petty bickering and it was only a matter of time before everything came to a head.

Only it wasn't being stuck in a five hundred square foot room that was driving them to the edge. It was the sexual tension that was building more and more with each passing day. They had teased and taunted, touched and tasted and worked themselves into a frenzy going to the edge but letting fear stop them before they went all in and took the final step.

It wasn’t long before Jethro decided enough was enough and knew he had to do something about it.

"Where are you going?" Tony asked worriedly. "And why can't I go? Who's gonna watch your six?"

"I'm just going to the drug store on the corner," Jethro answered. "I'll be gone a half an hour tops. Jonah's looking for you, Tony. Not me. As much as I hate it, it's safer this way. I'll be okay. Promise me you'll stay here."

Tony hesitated and sighed his disapproval. "I promise you I'll stay here for thirty minutes but if you're not back in thirty one, I'm coming after you."

"Deal."

Twenty eight minutes later, Jethro unlocked the door to their room and entered with a shopping bag in hand and a smile on his face.

"Already had my shoes on," Tony told the man, showing him his feet.

"Everything was fine," Jethro said.

“Would you mind telling me what was so important that you had to risk your life instead of putting it on the shopping list for Fornell?”

Jethro answered by tossing the bag to Tony. “See for yourself,” he said as Tony snatched it out of the air.

Tony dumped the contents of the bag out on the bed and his cheeks reddened slightly. "Oh," he said. "I, uh, I guess you're right. We wouldn't send Fornell out for this stuff."

"No pressure," Jethro said moving the tube of lube and box of condoms to the nightstand, "but it feels like we're moving in that direction and if it gets to that point, I want to be ready."

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

It had been over twenty four hours since Jethro had returned from the drugstore and Tony still hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the lube and condoms sitting on the nightstand, taunting him with their presence. After days of playing and exploring, he was anxious to take the next step and he knew his lover was waiting for him to be ready too, which only added to the pressure. When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he swallowed hard and moved from his spot on the bed over to the couch where Jethro was sitting.

"Jethro?" he said, interrupting the man's TV show.

"Hmm?"

"Um..." When he couldn’t seem to find the words, Tony reached down and squeezed his dick through his sweatpants.

Jethro patted the couch next to him and when Tony sat down, he reached over and took over, rubbing his hand across Tony's length and prodding at the man's awakening dick, something he'd done multiple times before, just as Tony had done to him.

"You'll stop if I need to?" Tony asked nervously.

"Stop?" Jethro asked, confused.

"I want you to fuck me," Tony whispered, "but I'm scared."

Jethro forgot the TV was even on after hearing what Tony had to say. "You sure you're ready?"

"I've been ready," Tony answered. "I'm just tired of being scared."

"I won't hurt you, Tony, and we can stop any time for any reason. You just gotta keep talking to me, okay?"

Tony nodded his head, his eyes locked on Jethro's.

Jethro studied the man until he was satisfied with Tony’s honesty. He took the man’s hand and led him back to the bed then, after Tony laid down, he laid down on top of him and began kissing him. Clothes disappeared as the kissing continued and both men let their bodies react to each other's touch naturally. Fingers soothed and eased worries while lips excited and reassured. By the time Jethro retrieved the lube from where he’d left it on the nightstand the day before, Tony was completely confident of the trust he had in the man.

"Put your legs on my shoulders," Jethro instructed as he settled between Tony's legs.

Tony obeyed, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed.

Jethro squeezed some lube into his hand and played with Tony's cock for a little while longer until the man relaxed again then his fingers explored lower, rubbing and prodding at Tony's quivering hole.

"Do it," Tony urged.

Jethro added a little more lube for good measure then slowly and carefully eased his finger into Tony's body.

Tony adjusted surprisingly fast as the digit moved in and out, imagining what it might feel like when Jethro's cock, much larger than his finger, was moving in and out of him in the same way. The thought excited him and had him reaching for his dick to start stroking.

"Feels good," Tony said, encouraging the man to keep going.

The second finger took a little more getting used to but Tony was relaxed and determined and very turned on by the prospect of becoming one with Jethro. His body adjusted and soon Jethro was adding a third finger.

"Can you add a little more lube, J?" Tony asked.

Jethro obliged without question and soon all three fingers were moving in and out of Tony with ease. "I think you're ready," he said, removing his fingers and wiping them on his discarded t-shirt.

"I think I am too," Tony said excitedly. Despite the hint of anxiety leftover from his experience in college, Tony's dick was throbbing and pulsing, waiting for attention from Jethro's strong hand and firm grip.

Jethro ripped a condom open and rolled it over himself before adding a healthy amount of lube to both himself and Tony's entrance. "No shame if we need to stop," he reminded the man. "Remember it's my first time going all the way like this too."

Tony nodded, once again locking eyes with Jethro as the man rubbed his cockhead against his hole. Tony raised his legs a little more, trying to find a comfortable position and when he settled, Jethro nudged the tip of his dick into him.

"Fuck," Tony growled.

Jethro paused until he felt Tony relax again then eased in a little more. Tony's hand found Jethro's stomach, using it as leverage while his body adjusted.

"You okay?" Jethro asked.

Tony nodded. "You're big."

"Too big?"

Tony shook his head. "I don't think so. Keep going."

Jethro continued the process of carefully and very slowly easing into Tony's body until Tony finally relaxed completely and figured out how to open himself up and give himself over to his lover. As Tony’s discomfort eased, he started trying to move his body in tandem with Jethro’s. Jethro took the hint and settled into an easy rhythm.

The tightness of Tony’s body pulsing and clamping around him along with the grunts and groans coming out of his mouth, his flexing calf muscles and his toes curling in undeniable pleasure had Jethro feeling like a teenager trying to last longer than the time it took him to achieve penetration. When his hand was frantically moved onto Tony’s dick, Jethro welcomed the distraction but the deeper moans filling the room and the sight of Tony’s eyes rolling back in his head were quickly becoming too much.

“I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, Tony,” he ground out desperately.

Tony tilted his hips back even farther, opening himself up even more for Jethro and causing the man to start rubbing directly against his prostate. As soon as Jethro's dick made contact with his sweet spot, Tony cursed loudly and took over stroking his own cock, pumping fast and squeezing hard.

"Right there, J. That feels so fucking good.” The frantic movements had sweat pouring off his forehead as he writhed in bed beneath Jethro. “Holy shit. Don't stop. Keep doing that, please."

Tony's increasingly frantic movements and the way he was clenching around Jethro only upped the man's excitement even more and pushed him closer and closer to the finish line. He groaned loudly as he tried to hold on but his high school hormones were back with a vengeance. The second he heard Tony scream and felt the man's hot cum splatter against his belly, Jethro gave up and let himself go, pushing harder in an attempt to deepen their connection.

Tony wrapped his legs around Jethro's body, stilling the man as they both finished up then tugged him closer and kissed him passionately as he held their bodies close together.

"We made it," Tony said. "All that anticipation and that was probably one of the most satisfying experiences of my life."

"Probably?" Jethro goaded playfully. "One of?"

"Well how was it for you?" Tony goaded right back, a smile on his face and a chuckle in his voice.

"I'm wishing I'd bought a bigger box of condoms," Jethro answered.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Fornell did his best to mentally prepare himself as he made his way down the hall towards Jethro and Tony’s room in the extended stay hotel. It hadn’t escaped his attention that both men seemed more and more on edge each time he visited and the FBI agent wasn’t totally convinced that Jonah O’Dell was the reason for their moodiness.

He tried to put any thoughts of extracurricular activities out of his mind though. The bottom line was Tony made the case personal. Tony made it personal for him and he made it very personal for Jethro and when things got personal, tensions had the tendency to rise quickly and insignificant things turned into big deals. On top of that, his friend was fiercely protective, _especially_ when it came to Tony which only added to the pressure.

The FBI agent knocked on the door and then listened as the two inside fumbled around before they answered. “Should I come back? Am I interrupting something?”

“Shut up, Tobias,” Jethro grumbled warmly as he stepped aside so his friend could enter.

It didn’t take a seasoned investigator to immediately notice something was different with the two men. The tension that had been etched in their expressions had faded and both looked a lot more relaxed than they had the last time he’d seen them. “How are you guys?” he asked suspiciously.

“Let’s just say cabin fever is a real thing,” Tony answered, oblivious to Fornell’s observations, “but we’re hanging in there.”

“Well, I have good news,” Fornell replied. “We’ve been given the go ahead to proceed with the RICO case. The paperwork’s been drawn up and signed and the warrants have been issued. We’re putting together a tactical team and planning the op.”

Jethro looked the man in the eyes and delivered his two word response in true Gibbs fashion. "'bout time."

Fornell grinned and offered the man his hand in a firm handshake.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Jethro rubbed tiredly at his eyes as he woke the next morning. The whole Jonah O'Dell case had really taken a toll on him. Between Tony's emotions and struggles and feeling completely out of control as far as the case was concerned, he felt like he was blindly wandering around in the dark, trying to find his way again.

The good news was the end was nearing.

He rolled out of bed and tugged his robe on as he headed for the bathroom. After emptying his bladder, he stepped back out into the living area and got the coffee going before turning the TV on and lowering the volume so it wouldn't wake Tony. With a cup of coffee in one hand, he slipped out of his robe and back into bed next to his still sleeping lover.

The scrolling marquee on the bottom of the screen announced the massive operation that had gone down at 4:30 that morning. When Fornell appeared standing next to the director of the FBI in front of a bank of microphones, Jethro turned the volume up slightly and nudged Tony awake.

_"It was a massive operation and I'm proud to report it went off without a hitch,"_ Fornell reported.

"Tony," Jethro said, shaking the man slightly, "Tony, wake up."

_"The streets of DC are now safer. Thank you, all. We'll now take a few questions."_

"They got Jonah?" Tony mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah," Jethro answered.

He lovingly rubbed Tony's back as the man rolled over and rested his head on Jethro's thigh.

“Turn it up a little,” Tony said.

The two watched the remainder of the news conference with smiles on their faces and a little over two hours later, Fornell was once again standing in their hotel room.

"We're just looking for O'Dell," Fornell reported. "One of his cronies will flip on him," he added confidently. "I'm sure of it."

"That's fine," Jethro replied, "but the protection detail's moving to my house. We're going home, Tobias."

"That's not smart, Jethro," Fornell objected. "We have no idea where O'Dell is or what he's planning but he's like a caged animal. He's dangerous."

"Where Tony and I are staying isn't going to make him any more or less dangerous," Jethro reasoned.

"But if he can't find you--"

"Oh please! O'Dell has eyes and ears everywhere. If he wanted to know where we were _that_ bad, he'd know. We're going home," Jethro said firmly.

Fornell muttered and grumbled under his breath for several moments before grudgingly grinding out, "fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?” he snarked. “A protection detail? The National Guard in your front yard?"

Jethro glanced over at the man, completely unimpressed but he understood the pressure his friend was under. "Calm down, Tobias. I know what I'm doing. Everything'll work out."

"That's easy for you to say. I'm responsible for you guys. I don't wanna put you at risk and to me this feels like an unnecessary risk."

"And I'm responsible for Tony," Jethro countered. "I get it, Tobias. This isn't my first rodeo."

Fornell took a moment to remind himself that Jethro had been on both sides of a protection detail before and that the man fully understood the consequences of his actions. He also reminded himself that Jethro was a stubborn bastard who would most likely get his way regardless. "You're right," he said, "I'm sorry. I forget you've been on both sides. It's been a long few weeks. Do you want a protection detail?"

"No," Jethro answered confidentiality, "we'll be okay."

"And you're both gonna be at your house?" the FBI agent confirmed, finally relenting to the idea.

"Yep," Jethro confirmed. "We just have to get out of here, Tobias. We're going stir crazy."

“I get that.”


	11. Progress

It only took a matter of hours at Jethro’s house for normalcy to return. Fornell had had a team of agents sweep the house and surrounding area before they’d arrived and he’d made no secret of stationing two agents in a big, black suburban out front. In turn Jethro had made no secret of the fact that they’d be coming and going and carrying on with their lives as normal and they wouldn’t be consulting any protection detail for permission.

The afternoon was spent cleaning and organizing the downstairs after Jonah’s unwelcomed visit then they grilled their dinner and sat around the fire pit out back, enjoying the chilly evening with a cup of hot coffee and smiles on their faces.

“It’s weird being outside after not being allowed to leave the room for over a week,” Tony said. “Of course, you cheated and disappeared to the drugstore.”

“If I hadn’t gone to the drugstore, we mighta killed each other,” Jethro pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Tony agreed. “I’m just jealous I didn’t get to go with you. Although, surprisingly, I still feel kinda awkward when I buy condoms so maybe it’s for the best.”

“I’m not sure if I believe that,” Jethro goaded a bit.

“Believe it or not, it’s true.”

Jethro gave his partner a playful wink before reaching out for Tony’s hand. Tony meshed their fingers together, holding on tight.

"Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

“What are we doing?” Tony asked quietly. “Is this more than just exploring a curiosity while we move from safe house to safe house or some sort of all in therapy session or something?”

Jethro looked over at Tony, his expression relaxed and honest, and started rubbing his thumb over the man’s hand. “It is for me. We shoulda talked about it sooner but you’re too important to me to risk everything for some meaningless fun.”

Tony’s smile brightened even more as the tension left his body. “Good,” he breathed, “’cause I went from being secretly miserable to never being happier. You make me happy, Jethro, and I don’t want that to end when we catch Jonah.”

Jethro grinned at the school boyish giddiness of Tony’s excitement. It was a far cry from the beat to hell senior field agent that had showed up to work weeks prior and even the confident, sure agent he’d been before that. “You make me happy too, Tony. You always have.”

A comfortable silence returned as Jethro stoked the fire and added another log before resettling next to Tony.

“I was thinking about having the team over for dinner,” he said. “I think Abby’s left about eight hundred messages on my phone.”

“Sounds about right,” Tony said with a chuckle. “I think that’s a good idea. I miss everybody.”

“Maybe this weekend, if everyone can make it?”

“Sounds good to me,” Tony said, attempting to scoot closer to his lover despite the confining patio chair keeping them separated. “Might be a good excuse for us to get some new lawn furniture. Something both of us can sit in together, maybe.”

“Come on over,” Jethro said, patting his lap.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m starting to get cold anyways. C’mon, warm me up.”

Tony stood and resettled in Jethro’s lap, soaking up the feelings of love and warmth as the man wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly.

“This is nice,” Jethro hummed. He nipped at Tony’s neck, smiling when the cool air against the wet spot on the man’s neck caused a shiver but taking full advantage of the excuse to hold him even tighter.

“Kinda hard to warm you up if I’m cold,” Tony pointed out playfully.

“You don’t want me to kiss you?”

“No! No!” Tony said quickly. “You can definitely keep doing that.”

Jethro suckled against a particularly sensitive spot on Tony’s neck, tempted to leave a mark but stopping before he did, even though Tony hummed happily and leaned into the kiss.

“What would you say if I told you I wanted to come out to the others?” Tony asked. He nuzzled his nose against the man’s cheek while Jethro continued kissing and nipping at his neck. “Not about us, I mean, just me.”

“Well, I would ask you if you’re sure you’re ready to do that. There’s no rush, Tony.”

“I know,” Tony said, “and I know it wasn’t that long ago that I was freaking out about anyone finding out but the whole reason this thing got out of hand was because I was trying to keep my secret. It made me realize that my whole life has been a series of secrets and I really don’t wanna live like that anymore.”

“I think that sounds like a good reason to tell. Giving voice to your secrets takes the shame away and listen to me, Tony. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

"I know that now," Tony said with a confident nod. "I think I'm gonna tell them at dinner."

"Sounds like that might be a good idea," Jethro agreed. "I don't know if I'm ready to come out yet but I fully support you."

Tony turned for a kiss and rubbed noses with Jethro. "Thank you."  He relaxed even more, curling back into the man's embrace. "I could sit out here with you all night."

"Mmm, me too," Jethro agreed. "This is more relaxing than boat building."

"Whoa! Did the world just shift off its axis?" Tony joked.

Jethro playfully smacked the back of Tony's head but Tony just nestled in closer and the two simply sat in a peaceful, comfortable silence, staring up at the stars splattered across the clear night sky and soaking up the warmth from each other and the slowly fading fire.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

"Do you think he'll show up here?" Tony asked. It was still dark in the predawn hours of the morning but both men were awake.

"Who?" Jethro asked.

"Jonah."

Jethro reached through the sea of blankets and found Tony's hand. "I dunno," he answered. "I kinda doubt it but he might. Has this been bugging you? Are you worried?"

Tony shrugged. "No more than usual."

"That's not an answer, Tony. Talk to me, please."

Tony rolled onto his side facing Jethro, reached out and rested a hand lightly on the man's bare, furry chest. He toyed with a few of the coarse strands before flattening his hand out over the hard planes and firm muscles. "I think we'd both be fools if we didn't at least consider the possibility. Jonah's been here before and we both know he'd take great pleasure in killing me. He's still out there somewhere and we don't have a clue where."

Jethro moved his hand on top of Tony's as he listened to what the man had to say. "Yeah," he agreed, "we would. Do you feel like we're prepared if he shows up?"

"I feel like we're as safe here as we would be anywhere else," Tony answered. "We could take him, easy."

Jethro didn't like the hesitation in Tony's voice or the way he answered the question in a roundabout way. "We _are_ prepared, Tony, but we can go to another safe house or hotel if you want or I can get Fornell to put more of a protection detail on us."

"No, it's not that," Tony said. "I don't know. It's just, I feel like we have something good going here and I don't want anything to take it away. I don’t wanna be like the newlywed couple that leaves from their wedding and gets in a horrible car crash and dies before their lives even had a chance to begin. I just... I want this whole thing to be over already."

Jethro tucked his arm around Tony and urged the man over to his side of the bed, resting against his body. "I do too," he replied sympathetically, “and it will be. We just have to be patient for a little while longer."

Tony smiled and nestled in closer to the man who meant so much to him. It wasn't long before his tongue found Jethro's nipple and his fingers started to explore and moments after that, Jethro's fingers were doing the same as his body reacted freely.

Excitement grew as exploring fingers and mouths raised the stakes and soon they were moving together, urging each other on and then writhing in the throes of passion, their troubles long forgotten.

"Feel better?" Jethro asked quietly before pressing a lingering kiss to Tony's lips.

"Uh-huh," Tony murmured before quickly kissing the man back.

"Me too," Jethro agreed. The two laid together for a while longer before Jethro spoke again. "We should probably get up and start getting ready for this afternoon."

"Probably," Tony agreed. "It'll be nice to see everyone again."

"You nervous?" Jethro asked gently after picking up on the slight hesitation in Tony's voice.

"A little but I need to do this. I _want_ to do this."

"You know I'm here for you."

"I couldn't do this without you," Tony admitted freely.

Jethro reached around the man lying on top of him and playfully smacked his naked ass, letting the lightheartedness and fun atmosphere return. Tony squealed in surprise and nipped at the man's jaw in retaliation and soon Jethro was rolling them over so that he was on top again and had the upper hand.

"I could spend all day in bed with you," Jethro growled.

"We'll have to do that," Tony agreed, rocking his hips and rubbing himself against his lover.

"If you keep doing that, we’re gonna have to cancel the get together."

Tony responded by rocking his hips even more and reaching around and grabbing Jethro's ass. His sexual appetite hadn't been that active since his teenage years. He was experiencing things he'd never imagined possible as he put aside what society said was acceptable and opened himself up to what felt true and honest.

"Let's continue this in the shower," Jethro growled as he nipped at Tony's ear.

With wrinkly fingers and toes but fully sated, both men stepped out of the shower almost an hour later. They headed to Jethro's favorite diner for breakfast then, after a quick trip to the grocery store, they returned home and got the house ready for the afternoon gathering.

Several hours later, the doorbell was ringing and their friends were gathering around the kitchen. It was just like old times, the joking and laughter starting immediately as they picked at the food appearing with each new guest before everyone arrived and they filled their plates and gathered around the living room to eat.

Funny stories were told, both about Jethro and Tony’s time in protective custody and about the rest of the group making due at headquarters as the team enjoyed spending time together after so much time spent apart. Food was piled high on plates and laughter filled the room. Conversation came easy and no one gave Jonah a second thought.

Tony waited until they’d almost finished their meal before clearing his throat to get the group’s attention. He ignored his nerves and after a reassuring nod from Jethro he started. "So, Jethro and I really have missed you guys," he said, "but there is another reason we asked you over. I have a confession to make."

"What is it, Tony?" Abby asked, moving over to couch next to the man in a show of support.

"It's kinda my fault we're in this big mess," Tony admitted. "I've been hiding a secret from you guys and I don't wanna hide anymore."

"What's going on, Tony?" Jimmy asked.

Abby reached out and latched onto Tony's hand, sensing what was coming next. She'd seen the video and had a good guess about what was coming next.

"I," Tony hesitated once again and looked around the room at his friends. He closed his eyes when he sensed the building panic and opened them when he felt a presence on the arm of the couch next to him to find Jethro there.

Jethro rested his hand on Tony's shoulder and studied the man closely. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

Tony nodded, gathering his strength from the man who'd helped him so much over the past few weeks. "I'm bisexual, you guys," he said, putting it out there and breathing a sigh of relief when he did. "I've been interested in men for as long as I can remember but a bad experience in college kind of suppressed that. One of my old frat brothers surfaced again and tried to use my secret to blackmail me which is the reason for all the chaos."

"I have a confession to make too," Abby said when Tony started rambling nervously. "I like guys too. I've been attracted to them for as long as I can remember, just like Tony has."

Tony gave Abby a questioning look. He realized she wasn't poking fun at him or making light of his situation but he didn't understand what she was doing.

Abby looked around at the group and then back at Tony with a smile on her face. "It's not a big deal, Tony," she explained. "Love is love and we love you and that’s all that matters."

"A lot of people don't feel that way," Tony pointed out. "Especially in this line of work."

"Well, that's their problem," Abby stated bluntly. "We love you, Tony, no matter what. Right, guys?"

The group erupted all at once, with no hesitation, all of them adamantly agreeing with Abby in support of Tony.

"Thanks, guys," Tony said, finally relaxing.

"I have a confession to make as well," Jethro spoke up, squeezing Tony's shoulder affectionately.  "Tony and I… we’ve grown really close over the past several weeks." He reached down and took Tony's hand, interlacing their fingers, making the message he was trying to get across clear. "We'll have some stuff to figure out at work to make sure things are still fair and everyone's okay with what's going on but we'll get there."

"Congrats, guys," Tim said sincerely.

The others joined in offering their congratulations, handshakes and hugs and alcohol was added to the party. Toasts were made and the party continued on like many of their other gatherings, amidst joy and laughter and celebration of happy times. After an afternoon and evening of fun and games, Jethro and Tony walked the group to their cars then stood on the porch with one arm around the other one and watched as their friends dispersed.

The group’s words of encouragement, especially Abby's nonchalance, as well as Jethro's possessive declaration continued to repeat in Tony's head, empowering him more and more as he realized that maybe for the first time in his life, he was loved and accepted unconditionally. He didn't have to try so hard to be the funny man or even hide certain parts of himself. He could just be him and that was all anybody expected.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Jethro asked.

"I was just thinking about that declaration you made," Tony answered. "You surprised me."

"I should've asked you but it felt right and I didn’t think there was any reason to hide it."

"I'm cool with it," Tony assured the man. "I've certainly learned my lesson about telling lies and keeping secrets."

Jethro turned Tony around and massaged his shoulders as he got them moving into the house. Once they were inside with the door closed, he swatted the man's butt and Tony hummed appreciatively.

"Feeling frisky?" Tony asked.

Jethro answered by turning Tony around and groping the man's ass while he kissed him passionately.

"Yes," Tony hummed against Jethro's lips when the kiss ended.

After a pleasant afternoon filled with laughter and unwavering support from their friends, the stress O'Dell had brought on was fading and prompted Tony to grab Jethro's hand and lead the way upstairs to their bedroom to continue the fun.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

By the time Monday morning rolled around, after tripping over each other in the bathroom and taking turns in the walk-in closet, Jethro and Tony returned to NCIS with every intention of getting back to work but a visit to the director’s office quickly put an end to that. Much to his dismay, Tony was put on desk duty after Vance decided it was too risky to send him out in the field. His agents needed to focus their full attention on their cases and they couldn’t do that with O’Dell still posing a threat.

Even though desk duty felt a little like a punishment, Tony was happy to be back at work. Not only was it a relief to be easing back into his normal routine, it helped relieve any underlying anxiety about returning to work after everything that had happened during the last few days he’d been there.

What would’ve been a boring eight hours was spiced up with jokes and pranks and rounded out with a reassuring head slap before he climbed into the car with Jethro and set off towards home, stopping to pick up some dinner on the way.

Each passing day brought more and more normalcy and made Jonah O’Dell nothing more than a distant memory, despite Fornell updating them regularly. By the time the following weekend rolled around, Tony was determined to end the mess once and for all so he could return to the field and get his life back for good. He had no idea he’d have an opportunity to do just that before Monday morning rolled around again.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

The brightness of the full moon against the dark night sky offered little light as Tony made his way through the hall and down the stairs in the middle of the night. He’d awakened after an intense dream and was hoping a drink would clear his mind and allow him to go back to sleep without waking Jethro up.

He rubbed one eye as he stepped into the dark kitchen and headed for the cabinet Jethro kept his drinking glasses in.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Tony," a voice behind him said.

Tony paused for only a moment before selecting a glass and closing the cupboard door. "You know," he said as he filled his glass half full of water, "I used to think you were untouchable, Jonah, but I've come to realize that you're a real dumbass."

"Yeah? How do you figure?" The drug lord was eerily calm despite his life being turned upside down but so was Tony.

"How many times have I told you no and warned you to stay away," Tony pointed out. "Yet here you are, in a house with not one but two federal agents."

"I'm not afraid of you, Tony."

"You should be," Tony replied confidently. He didn't know if it was the fact that it was the middle of the night and he hadn't had time to be afraid or if it was because he'd faced his demons and come clean to his friends but he wasn't the least bit intimidated by the man standing in the dark kitchen with him.

"Why's that?" Jonah asked.

Tony took a careful sip from the glass in his hand before swinging it with all his strength, hitting Jonah in the side of the face with such force that the glass shattered. He ignored the stinging in his own hand and while Jonah was still off guard from the throbbing in his head, Tony whipped the man around, got him pinned on the floor with a heavy knee in his back and wrangled his hands together, holding them high up by his shoulders so Jonah couldn’t even almost struggle free.

He paused for a moment to let his breathing return to normal and let what had just happened sink in.

"You gonna give me a hand or just hide in the shadows?" Tony asked.

"I'm not hiding," Jethro said, "and you look like you have everything under control."

"Yeah, well, I think I'm bleeding," Tony admitted.

Jethro slapped some handcuffs on Jonah's wrists and not very gently yanked the man to his feet.

"Fornell on the way?" Tony asked, flipping the light on and inspecting his wound.

"Uh-huh," Jethro grunted. He cringed when he saw how bad Tony's wound was and realized a trip to Emergency Room was imminent. "Lemme see," he said, gently taking the man's hand so he could get a closer look.

"Aww," Jonah snarled, "isn't this just the sweetest thing you've ever seen."

"Have you still not learned your lesson?" Jethro asked threateningly.

Jonah simply laughed, not wanting to let it go but also not wanting to push it. The side of his face was still throbbing and he wasn’t interested in nursing any more injuries.

"This is gonna need stitches, Tony," Jethro said.

"Nonsense," Tony replied. "A little super glue and I'll be good as new."

"Mm-mm," Jethro muttered, shaking his head. "It's too jagged and we need to make sure there's no glass in there."

Fornell's arrival put an end to any further protests from Tony but the look on the man's face told Jethro he wouldn't be going without a fight. The two agents who had been on protection detail followed Fornell into the kitchen, still trying to figure out how Jonah got in without them knowing.

Outside, the darkness of night was illuminated with flashing red and blue lights of police and FBI vehicles. Sacks appeared and took custody of O'Dell then followed the two on protection detail back out front, leaving Fornell alone with Jethro and Tony.

"Eventually you're gonna have to start doing your own dirty work," Jethro teased.

"Or maybe it's just the fact that trouble and bad guys are attracted to you," Fornell replied.

"As long as it gets done," Jethro said.

Fornell nodded his agreement before turning his attention to Tony. "You alright, Tony?" he asked, motioning towards the man's wrapped but bloody hand.

"This is nothing," Tony replied nonchalantly.

"We're on our way to the ER now to get it looked at," Jethro said. “Go put your shoes on, Tony.”

Tony rolled his eyes but didn't protest.

“We’ll be outta here by the time you two get back,” Fornell called after them.

"This is silly," Tony grumbled with a roll of his eyes as they sat in the waiting room at Washington General Hospital.

"It's silly till I kill ya and bury you under the floorboards for bleeding all over the house," Jethro teased lightheartedly.

"You would never!" Tony scoffed disbelievingly. “And nice Poe reference.”

Jethro raised his eyebrows in response but the faux seriousness faded almost immediately into a smile. "It won't be so bad. We'll be in and out in no time at all."

"I hope so," Tony said. "I really just wanna go back to bed."

Jethro smiled proudly at the progress Tony had made just as the nurse was calling Tony back to an exam room.

Jethro sat by patiently while the medical personnel inspected, cleaned and stitched the jagged cut on Tony's hand, a battle wound the man seemed to wear proudly. After receiving all the basic care instructions, the two were sent on their way and soon found themselves back at Jethro's home in Alexandria.

"Well," Jethro said, dropping his keys onto the table by his front door.

"Well?" Tony mimicked.

"What now?" Jethro asked.

"Bad guy's in custody. It’s still the middle of the night. I'm going back to bed!"

Jethro watched as Tony climbed the stairs like nothing out of the ordinary had happened that evening. He couldn’t help the feeling of extreme pride. The future still held endless questions and obstacles to overcome but they would figure that out as the time came. The worries and anxieties Tony had had at the beginning of the case were gone. Jonah was off the streets and Tony was stronger than ever.

Most importantly, Jethro had his Tony back and better than ever and that was all that mattered.

**The End**


End file.
